But when I got to the bottom step, I heard a sniffle, then a little whimper.
There was a split second where everything in me screamed to turn and run.
Because, fuck, what the hell did I know about soothing a crying woman?
The other part of me, though, felt flayed open at the sound and desperately needed to put an end to it.
So I stepped forward toward the bunk bed.
Then, seeing her curled up to the far end near the wall, I sat down on the edge and placed my hand on her hip.
Her whole body stiffened as a gasp escaped her.
“Come here,” I demanded, pushing her hip until she was flat, then reaching for her wrist.
“I’m fi—”
“You can tell me to fuck off,” I cut her off. “But don’t lie to me.”
She lay there, staring up at me with swollen eyes and wet cheeks, her lashes all clumped together with her tears.
“Do you want me to fuck off?”
“Yes… no…”
“Well, ’til you make up your mind on that, come here.”
When I pulled, she folded up.
My arm went around her back, guiding her until she was up on my lap, her head under my chin.
She sucked in a deep breath that shook on its way out. And a pathetic little whimpering sound escaped her that felt like acid poured in that open wound in my chest.
My arms went tighter around her, like maybe if I tried hard enough, I could hold us both together.
“Shit’s getting kind of confusing, ain’t it?”
I got a little nod at that.
“Dunno if avoiding me is the answer to it, if you’re down here by yourself crying.”
“There is no answer,” she said, voice small.
“Maybe not. But being alone with it doesn’t seem to be doing anything good.”
“Preparation for what happens in a day or two or a week… when all this is over.”
We’re not gonna talk about the gut-punch sensation those words caused.
“Shouldn’t have put my hands on you,” I said. Her body tensed, tried to pull away. I held her tighter. “No. Not what I meant. I don’t regret… this.” Whateverthiswas. “But I regret that you’re upset because of it.”
“I’ll be fine,” she insisted, tone getting a little far away.
“Don’t do that. Not with me.”
“Do what?”
“Act like you’re fine when you’re not. Know it’s what you do because you don’t want to be a burden, don’t want people to worry about you. But it’s not gonna work with me.”
