I really don’t know the first thing about this beautiful woman.
And I’ll never press her for the details.I’ll wait for her to share, and only if she wants to.Seeing her vulnerable expression, and the shame that’s been etched into her psyche, all I want to do is be here for her.
“Let’s get you that panda,” I say.
I win three pandas for Emma and five goldfish for Jasmine before Declan, Special K, and Evander invade the fair.And here it comes.I just throw the tickets out into the grass and they fight over them like vultures over roadkill.
By now, Emma’s met all of my brothers, but she’s still confused.“Are they always like this?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t get it,” she says.“They could just buy their own tickets, right?”
“They could, but this is more fun.”
“Do the MacLaines make everything a competition?”
“Pretty much.”
Declan grabs Jasmine and throws her over his shoulders, then runs around with her.The sound of her hysterical laughter is my favorite sound of all time.He sets her down, and she’s dizzy from spinning.
“Let’s do the Tilt-a-Whirl!”Jasmine says.
“You were just on the Uncle Declan Tilt-a-Whirl,” he says.“But okay!”He picks her up and carries her like a football.Evander and Special K go check out the food trucks.
“Can I get you anything?”I turn to check on Emma, and I’m shocked.“What’s wrong?”
She’s turned white as a sheet, and for a moment I think she’s having a health emergency.I nearly send for Phoebe to help her.
But it’s not a health emergency.Emma is staring straight ahead into the crowd, her eyes unblinking and huge.
Someone’s got her upset.
No.That’s not it.Not at all.
That’s terror.
CHAPTER 43
Emma
“Welcome to our family,” were the first words he ever said to me.I was sixteen years old and had already shuffled through a half dozen foster families and a state home.
The foster dad smiled at me.A big, welcoming, don’t-be-afraid smile.I don’t remember his name.
He had a name, of course, but I’ve worked very hard to block it out.He doesn’t deserve a name.A name makes him human.And he was a monster.
Once the juvenile adjudication stuff was over and my emancipation process began, I decided I was done with him forever.I made the choice to forget him.
Even now, all these years later, my mind can wander off in that direction if I don’t have my guard up.I can forget that I have no business digging around in my memory for the specifics of that man and his house.I always manage to stop myself before I go too far.
I walk up to that door in my mind.I slam it shut, lock it, and throw away the key.
And if that doesn’t do the trick, I kick it up to the next level.
I picture in my head that the city garbage truck runs him over in the street.The workers scrape up the roadkill and throw it into the compactor, then drive it to the dump, where it belongs.
It’s a lot.But it works.
