“Yeah, but—”
“What?”
“Jasmine doesn’t have any memory of Amy.Those areyourmemories, andyou’rethe one who is trying not to mix the present with the past.Maybe you worry that if you’re happy in the present, it will somehow make the past less important.”
My mouth falls open, and it hangs open until I remind myself to snap it shut.“So you’re Sigmund Fucking Freud now?”
“You asked.I answered.”He stands up.“Later.”
I watch my brother exit the tack room and disappear around the corner.
What a mess I’ve made with Emma.Sweet, pretty Emma.I nearly scared her off with my irritable, overprotective asshole routine, but she was bighearted enough to accept my apology.And then she allowed herself to warm up to me again.Until just moments ago, when we both caught fire and she was brave enough to jump into my arms.
And I threw her away.
I’m a conflicted bastard.Maybe Special K is right.This isn’t about Jasmine’s relationship with a mother she never knew.It isn’t about Amy herself, or even Emma.
It’s about me.In my own head and heart, I must be clear.About what I want.What is all right for me to have.What I am capable of giving.
That kiss with Emma was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.She melted into me.I felt the relief flood through her.The joy.The surprise.I recognized all of that in her because I was having the exact same reaction.
Emma feels exactly right to me.The brush of her lips on mine, the noises of pleasure she makes, the way she tastes and smells.
And more than anything else, I love the honesty of her response to me.I got lost in it.I wanted to drown in it.I was ready to strip her down and take her right here, in the tack room.I was wild with the need to fuck her.
Then two thoughts wormed their way into my brain and twisted together to form a chain- link fence I couldn’t bust through.
First, I realized I hadn’t felt this wild since I started dating Amy.And that’s all it took for Amy’s face to flash in my brain.I seized up.The knife of guilt twisted.
Second, I reminded myself that Emma was not a one and done sort of thing.That she lives in my house.Jasmine is already attached to her.And Emma herself made it clear—she’s a woman who wants to stay in one place forever.
No wonder I broke off the kiss.
I was just about to betray Amy and fail Emma with a single act.Two regrets for the price of one!
No wonder I don’t know what end is up.
So where do I go from here?How do I apologize to Emma—yet again—and try to pick up the pieces?
I’m not sure that option is available to me anymore.
She made it quite clear.She needs the job more than she needs me.
And I want Emma to have what she needs.
CHAPTER 35
Finn
I exit the barn and feel the late afternoon sun on my face.
It’s a gorgeous day.I could go for a run.Nothing like fifty miles in the scorching Nevada sun to burn away at least the top layer of a man’s self-loathing.But I’m wearing my boots, and even I can’t run that far in smooth-soled shit kickers.
I can’t very well return to the house for my running shoes.The last thing I want right now is to run into Emma.I think we both could use a bit of time and distance.
I hear a car horn and look up to see Phyllis driving Dad’s pickup.She parks in front of Dad’s house, and I already see Jasmine waving to me from the back seat.I check my Rolex.How did it get to be four o’clock?
Normally, no matter what, I’m waiting for Jasmine’s return from school.I am way, way off my game today.
