“I can see that.”
Finn leans out into the aisle to check on Perkins.His body tenses.His muscles twitch, like he’s a panther ready to pounce.Every muscle and sinew is sprung tight.
I place my palm on his chest, firm, yet gentle.His body relaxes a little under my touch.
From the back of the plane I hear the monster yell.“I’m nottechnicallyher father, but I was her foster father.Isn’t that right, Emily?”
Finn’s body expands to take up the entire lavatory doorway.His eyes are fixed on the monster.
“She’s giving me the cold shoulder because she was a bit of a troublemaker back when she was one of ours, like all of them, I suppose, one after the next.”
That voice.It crawls up under my fingernails and enters my bloodstream.Poison.Pain.I push Finn out into the aisle and vomit again.
The monster must have stood up because Finn spits out these words.
“Sit.
“Down.
“Now.”
I stay in the lavatory for the rest of the flight, until we hear Declan’s voice inform us that we’ve started our initial descent into Twenty Mile Municipal Airpark in Sweetbriar.
At the very last minute, Finn grabs my hand and gets me settled into one of the chairs toward the front of the plane.He sits next to me, blocking me in against the wall.
The monster can’t get to me.
Finn’s careful not to touch me, and I’m grateful for it.My body is too raw.My skin hurts.All I want to do is be on the ground, where I can run.Where I’ll have room to escape.
The plane lands.Declan bolts from the cockpit, opens the exit door, and prevents the monster from walking up the aisle.Finn gets me down the steps and onto the tarmac, and he grabs my hand as we run to the SUV waiting for us in the hangar.
I want to get out of here, but for some reason, Finn drives much slower than usual, taking care to drive around potholes in the road, as if he’s afraid I’ll break with a bump.
I can’t speak.Finn doesn’t make me.I just focus on breathing and returning to myself.
When we get to the Yosemite Ranch gate, he pulls the car over and turns off the motor.We sit in silence for a minute.Then two.
“It’s time, my beautiful Emma.Tell me.Whatever it is, you’re safe.Your story is safe with me.”
I dare glance up at him.I give him a weak nod.
He’s right.It’s time I tell him everything, from beginning to end.But I can’t open my mouth.
“I don’t need to know everything, things you don’t want to tell me,” he continues.“But I do need to know what is causing you so much anguish.I want to help you, Emma.As your man, it’s my job to protect you.But I can’t do that if I don’t know where the anguish comes from.”
I sit frozen.
“Don’t shut me out or push me away.I know it takes a lot of nerve to ask, considering it’s exactly what I did to you.”
My eyes flash at him.Is he right?Am I doing to him what he did to me when we first kissed?
But I’m not rejecting him like that.I’m just protecting myself.
Oh.
He protected himself by exiling me.He retreated into his own confusion and loss and chose not to share it with me.
And I’m doing the exact same thing.
