“You need a lot more than a shower, Finlay.”
“Are you going to knock me upside my head again?”
She sighs and plops down on the ottoman, quite close to me.She examines my face.“If I thought it would knock some sense into you, I would.But you’re the only person who can do that.”
I put my hands up in surrender.“You want me to smack myself?”
“Emma is perfect.”
That’s all she says.Nothing like getting right to the point, though it isn’t exactly a surprise.“Yes, she is.I’m crazy about her, but she won’t talk to me.I went to the school today to tell everyone how important she is to me, to all of us, but I think it just made her angrier than she already was.I’ve really messed this up.”
Phyllis raises her face toward the ceiling and mumbles, “Lord, give me the strength.”Then she glares at me.“That precious, loving, and generous woman crying her eyes out in my house right now is your second chance.Your chance for happiness.For a family with Jasmine.”
“She’s not Jasmine’s mother.”I put my hands on the chair arms and try to stand.Phyllis shoves me back down.
“Unfortunately, that child’s mama died before Jasmine even drew breath into her lungs.But nowshehas a second chance too.”
“Maybe I don’t deserve a second chance.”
“You are the worst liar of the bunch, Finlay MacLaine.”
“I don’t know about—”
“Cal doesn’t lie, so he’s never had to develop the skill.Evander is an attorney, and, well, enough said.Declan is like your father—he exaggerates so much and so often that nobody knows what the hell is true anymore with him.And Kevin?Now that’s an interesting one.I believe he knows how to lie and did a fair bit of it when he was young, but these days, I think he chooses just to keep his mouth shut instead of speak an untruth.”
“That’s very insightful.”
“I didn’t come here to share my insight with you.I came here to call you on your bullshit.And I’m telling you—you are lying to yourself.”
I fall back against the chair, and Phyllis leans into me.“The minute pretty Emma arrived on this ranch, your heart was twisted up in knots.I am not blind, and the people on this ranch aren’t blind, either.We all see it.You look at her like she’s a medium-rare porterhouse.Half the time I’m tempted to just shove a napkin and a steak knife in your hand and herd everyone out of the room.”
I can’t help it.I laugh.It sounds strange to my own ears, and I realize that I haven’t had anything to laugh about since Emma walked away from me.
I push myself up, and this time, Phyllis lets me stand.I begin to pace the living room, the horror rising up from my chest into my throat.“Jasmine is dyslexic.Did you hear?”
“Declan told me just a bit ago.”
I slap my palm against my chest.“I missed it!I’m her father, and didn’t evennotice.I dropped the ball, Phyllis!”
She stands up and comes nearer.I continue my back-and-forth.“My priority has always been Jasmine.I can’t fail her.I willnotfail my little girl!It’s the only thing that matters!She is the only… she’s the only…”
Phyllis takes my hand, forcing me to stop pacing.“I know what it’s like to lose someone.Two husbands.A child.I know what it’s like.Your father’s been there too.”
“This isn’t about Amy anymore.”Fucking hell.I shove my fingers into my hair, stare down at my dusty running shoes.
“You’re right.This isn’t about Amy anymore, because I think you’ve come a long way towards letting her go, and that’s healthy.What’s got you ripped up right now is Emma.Look at me, Finn.”
I don’t.
“You think Emma won’t help you make Jasmine the priority?She loves that little girl and that little girl loves her.Look at me while I’m speaking to you.”
I raise my head and our eyes lock.I take strength from the love I see there, the love I’ve always seen there.And I straighten.
“Dear boy, weallmissed it with Jasmine.I regularly help Jasmine with her homework, and I missed it.Your father missed it, and they read books together all the time.Summer, your brothers—everyonemissed it, and that’s because your determined, clever little girl didn’t want us to know.”
“You’re right.”
“As for failing her, that’s impossible.You have spent every second of that girl’s life loving her.She’s been raised in a sea of love.So shut up about failing.It takes a lot to raise a child to adulthood.I know too well how hard that is.”
