Myformerbedroom and bath.
I collect my toiletries and a pair of shoes from under the bed.I run downstairs to retrieve some clean clothes from the dryer.I shove everything into the duffel.
With one last longing glance at my dream kitchen—and yes, I do meanmykitchen—I head to the front door.I’m about to step out onto the porch when I almost collide with Finn.
“Emma!”
I drop my bag inside so Jasmine won’t see it.Then I shut the door and step onto the porch.Jasmine hugs me around the waist.“Emma!Declan took us in his plane to Los Angeles.We flew over Disneyland.Dad said he’s going to take me there next month.Can you come with us?”
“I… uh… that sounds wonderful.”
“Dad, can I go for a ride?”
“If Summer goes with you.”
Jasmine runs toward the stables, her dark hair flying behind her.Which leaves Finn and I alone.I keep my focus firmly on the center of his chest.I don’t want to look any higher.
“Excuse me,” I say, opening the door and grabbing my bag.I sling the strap over my shoulder and start down the stairs.
“I took Jasmine to an expert in Los Angeles.”
Finn’s voice is clipped.I stop in the middle of the lane, my back to him.
“He diagnosed her with dyslexia, but he’s going to create a plan for her going forward.He explained that she’s been using memorization to fool us all.”
I pause.I hope this is an apology, but even if it is, it doesn’t change anything.He didn’t pay attention to me.He dismissed me.I wasn’t worth listening to.In his eyes, I’m a pathetic victim.
“I wanted you to know that she’ll have everything she needs.You were right, Emma.”
I try to speak, but my throat closes on me.I shake my head and run.
Somehow, I make it back to Phyllis and Jamie’s place.I have no memory of running down the road or carrying my bag.I’m in a fog.I feel empty.But somehow, I make it into the house, run up the stairs, and collapse onto the bed of their guestroom.
Phyllis arrives at my door.“Oh, little one,” she says sweetly.She sits next to me on the bed.“This is your home until you’re on your feet.And I don’t mean right up until you get a crappy job somewhere.I mean, when you’re one hundred percent on your feet and in a good place in your life.”
I choke out a sob, and she embraces me.
I’m so grateful for her kindness and support.I’m grateful I have a roof over my head.But I gave myself to Finn.If I’m truthful with myself, I gave him my heart.
I fell in love with him.
And he dismissed me.Just like everyone in my life.
“I can’t be loved,” I say this more to myself than to Phyliss.I gulp down air.“I’m not good enough to be loved.Or to belong anywhere.”
“That’s not true.That’s the furthest thing from the truth.”
“My parents didn’t want me.No family ever wanted me.I was never adopted.All those foster families, and no one ever fought to keep me.”
Phyllis hugs me tighter, and I feel my body lurch with the force of my sadness.This time I don’t have the strength to stop it.I can’t manage how others see me anymore.It doesn’t even matter.
I’m a nothing.A nobody.I don’t matter.
“Fools.They’re all fools, honey.Anyone who wouldn’t want you is an idiot.”
“Great.Even an idiot can’t love me.”
“Are you talking about any one idiot in particular, by any chance?”
