An awkward silence swarmed us, and I suddenly felt the need to apologize. I liked Niyani. Hell, I may have developed love for the damn girl. She was a great shoulder to lean on, and we were better than this.
“My bad friend. Royce isn’t someone I play about. After everything he’s done for me, I can’t just let anything get thrown on his name. Sorry for all the sassiness, for real,” I apologized.
“It’s cool. I know what to speak on and what not to. Are we watching Toy Story or what?” she asked moving pass the bullshit.
“Yeah,” I said hitting the play button on the remote.
For the next hour and a half, we watched the movie in silence finishing it right at the crack of dawn. I rose from the sofa and headed for the shower. It would be breakfast soon at the big house and since I hadn’t joined them since I got here, I figured I’d do so today. After all, I had one more day left before it was time for my departure.
By the time I was done washing my ass and making sure my breath was up to par, it was going on seven in the morning. The weather was calling for a high of eighty degrees, so I settled ona cute romper set with some sandals to match. After hitting my neck and wrists with a few pumps of Prada Candy, I surfaced from my room. I ran into Niyani that was leaning against her own door. I instantly smiled.
I walked over to her, as she extended her hand as usual. I intertwined mine with hers, and she led the way right out the door. She was dressed in a cute sundress and sandals radiating a fragrance from YSL. Ni had every right to feel confident because she was just as beautiful as I was.
When I learned about her trauma, I wanted to do nothing more than hug her every second of the day. All she was trying to do was live like any other child her age, but her father turned her into a woman way before it was time. Unfortunately, that caused her to be more out and open that she ever intended to be. She was my complete opposite.
We walked to the main house in silence with other guests and staff speaking as we passed by. Once we entered the main hall, we were offered mimosas. We took a glass and moseyed our way to the dining room. The owners of the retreat treated us like princesses, and we loved every minute of it.
The spread along the tables were more than what we could eat. If you didn’t want to feast at the main table, then there were small tables that filled the room giving you privacy. Me and Niyani always sat away from everyone else. We just never cared to be around anyone else. We made our plates and took a table to the back of the room.
Before we could fork eggs in our mouth Dr. Wright was making her way over. I tapped Niyani’s foot to make her aware. She looked up and released a sigh. One thing she hated was being interrupted while she ate.
“Good morning, ladies. How are we?” she asked wearing a smile that stretched from ear to ear. Sometimes her chipperspirit irritated me. I knew she meant no harm, but it was annoying to see her smile so much.
“We’re alright. Thank you for asking. How are you?” I countered.
“I’m as good as I’ll be today. I heard you had a rough night, Heidi. You want to come speak with me after breakfast?” she questioned still wearing that irritating expression.
“Sure Dr. Wright. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes,” I answered.
“Great. Niyani, I’ll see you after as well, right?” She never let her slip by.
“You know it,” Ni replied giving her the fakest smile she could muster up.
Dr. Wright nodded and walked away gracefully. She was a piece of work, but she had our best interest at heart. She was here doing a job and believe it or not, the lady was good at it. I might’ve told Niyani I was here for peace and quiet, but this lady got me to sit on her couch and unveil more than a pretty face. She asked the questions many avoided and got you to talk without even realizing it.
I cut into my waffles and stuffed my face. The effects of the cookies were still on me. I was high as a kite, and I was sure Dr. Wright saw it all in my eyes. Another day for me to try and figure out how this healing process works. It had been years since my incident, but it was still fresh. No one knew it, not even Royce on how desperate I’d been to burry this and forget it completely. Loving myself again had been at the top of my list with nothing else mattering.
Niyani remained quiet giving me the peace I needed. The second I stepped into Dr. Wright’s office, the peace would no longer be there. She never played that coddling shit. It was time to be adults and face what you thought wasn’t there. I was dreading it, but this was my reason of being here.
Time flew by and before I knew it, those twenty minutes had passed me by. My entire body was floating. That drop of alcohol accompanying the weed was more than a good time. Standing from the table, I gave Niyani a salute and walked out. The next time I saw my girl, it’d be to trade places as Dr. Wright’s couch patient.
The main house was full of therapists, and none took more than two guests during the retreat. We were their only focus so imagine how many exercises we participated in, in a week’s time. I was drained emotionally all the way around the board.
Finally rolling up on Dr. Wright’s door, I gave it a light tap. Her voice came through loud and clear with, “You may enter.”
Releasing a deep breath, I turned the knob and entered the sweet floral scented room. Dr. Wright was comfortable in her seat with a pen and pad in tow. If being about her job was a person, it’d be her. Closing the door behind me, I took subtle steps toward the area that caused more tears than I could produce. Once I was there, she gestured that I had the floor by gently flexing her fingers. We both knew why I was here so there was no need in acting.
Sitting back, I threw my right leg over my left and scoffed. All it took was a moment of silence in front of Dr. Wright and just like that the waterworks began. She hadn’t said a word and already had me ready to call this session short. Years later, he still managed to hold me down and take what he wanted. My body was no longer in the equation, but my mental health was still under his control.
Tears streamed as I tried to gain the courage to explain how that night infiltrated another dream of mine causing a restless night. I hated that man and saying his name made my skin crawl uncontrollably. He’d turned himself into a personal phobia. I was completely terrified of men because of him.
Dr. Wright sat there patiently waiting for me start. I loved how she operated. I couldn’t lie. She never rushed you to speak or spoke for you. Whatever you said and whatever you felt was valid. That entitlement was yours that she never stripped.
“I’d gone to sleep just fine. I spoke with Niyani about everyday life and headed to bed. That was around midnight. I drifted off to sleep as usual from listening to music. Nothing was wrong Dr. Wright,” I assured her.
“It’s not about what went wrong Heidi, it’s about what you’re harboring. Thoughts tend to run wild when you’re most relaxed. How’d the dream go?”
“It started how it usually did. I was pulling the cubed steak from the oven, my phone was ringing off the hook, and music was playing. I wasn’t expecting company so the knock on my door threw me off. I paused the music and ignored my cell. All sense of cautiousness was lost. I could’ve easily looked at my front door camera or even looked through the peephole to see who the uninvited guest was. Instead, I swung the door open and there stood...” I hadn’t said his name since the incident and refused to do so.
