He shifts so he’s sitting beside me, and places a hand on my shoulder, using his thumb to rub soothing circles.
After a few minutes of silence, I drop my head to my knees. My body feels so heavy after several minutes of holding my muscles string tight. “Do you ever feel like the whole weight of the world is sitting on your chest, crushing you?” I whisper.
“Sometimes, before a big game or tournament. Do you feel that way often?”
“Somedays I feel it less than others. The days where I’mable to juggle a dozen different things at once. The days where I meet all my deadlines and check everything off on my to-do list. Go to class, go to lab, tutoring, nanny on the weekends, checking in on my mom, calling Josie every night to check in and help her with her homework, finish my own homework…the list goes on.”
“That’s a pretty extensive list, Eliana.”
I hear this a lot. And there is nothing that can be done about it, so I stay quiet. “Have you ever thought of cutting back?” No judgment in Jake’s words, just a question.
“I don’t know what I would cut out. I can’t stop work because I need to pay my bills and help my family. And I won’t give up on research because that’s the only thing that’s just mine.”
Jake is silent, so I risk looking up. He’s got a sad smile on his face, I his eyes filled with understanding. “Research is the only thing that feels like it's yours. And losing it would feel like losing a piece of yourself,” he summarizes.
He’s so on the nose it stuns me. “Exactly.”
He contemplates for a few minutes. “I wish there was something I could do to help, lessen the pressure you’re under.”
“This helps. Being here. Listening to me. That helps a lot. Except maybe you should put some distance between us. Don’t need you getting sick too.” I give him a sheepish smile.
“At this rate, we’ve been together long enough that whatever you have has already been passed on to me. We can just cross our fingers and hope my immune system is stronger than yours,” he teases. “Do you think you’d be up for some dinner?”
“I’m not really hungry.”
“Let’s try and get some chicken noodle soup in you. Then a cold compress to get that fever down. And sleep, lots of sleep.” He lifts me up, an arm wrapped around my waist for support as he guides me to the kitchen.
“You know, if hockey doesn’t work out, nursing might be a solid backup.”
“As long as you let me take care of you Eliana. I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”
Surely that’s my fever talking.
Chapter 26
Jake
“Now that I’ve gotten a B+, I feel like we can ease up on the practice questions, don’t you?” I ask, already knowing her answer.
“You want to change methods now that you’ve gotten proof that they work?” Eliana snorts.
“Yes?”
“Not a chance Keeley. Not a chance. I have a bunch of old practice tests from old clients I can bust out. Don’t tempt me.” She challenges me.
“You wouldn’t.”
“You seem to be running out of things to do the past few times we’ve hung out. I don’t want you to lose your momentum. More assignments would mean more things for us to discuss.”
“That’s a funny way of saying, ‘I get my kicks from torturing you’,” I scoff.
“So spending time with me is torture now?” Eliana teases.
She had no fucking idea. It had been about a week since I’d spent the night taking care of her when she was sick. A week since I had realized how gone I was for this girl. Like, I wouldpass the Beanery on my way to class and think of getting her favorite drink, or hear a song playing on the radio and think about sending it to her because she’d like it.Thatgone for her.
When I got my exam grade back the first person I wanted to share the news with was Eliana, and not just because she was partially responsible. Because I wanted to see her again.
And I’m glad I chose to go over there or else who knows what state she would’ve been in. Feverish and panicking over the weight of the world. I’m glad I was there so she could see she wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t scared of her vulnerable state. Say what you want about me, I do have a sensitive side. Years of being forced to play house with my sisters taught me all about how to treat women. Which is why I heated up some soup and then offered to head out, giving her space to decompress. But instead of taking the space, she asked if I wanted to watch a movie. And halfway through10 Things I Hate About Youshe drifted off on my shoulder.
