I raise a dubious brow. “Is that so? Does that mean you’re ready for another?”
She huffs a tired laugh, her eyes fluttering closed as she rests against the pillow. “Absolutely not. But ask me again when my vagina doesn’t feel like it’s on fire.”
I chuckle in response, walking over and carefully placing Norah back into her mother’s arms. She lets outa tiny cry, her head turning as she instinctively searches for something to eat. As though she’s done it a million times, Finley pulls down the front of her hospital gown and offers her breast, which our sweet angel takes right away. I’ve heard stories of newborns struggling to latch at first, but she doesn’t seem to have any issues as she suckles like a champ.
“You are so incredible,” I say, the words a choked whisper as I watch in awe, my heart swelling with pride. This is by far the best day of my life. I’m so grateful to Sydney and the Grant family for making sure I didn’t miss it. Fin and I may still have a lot to talk about, but we’re a family now, so whatever the universe wants to throw at us, we’ll figure it out.
My perfect girls will never go a day without knowing how much I love them, and that’s a promise I intend to keep.
FORTY
FINLEY
“Good news.I no longer smell like the inside of a gym bag,” Theo says as he steps out of the bathroom, rubbing a towel over his freshly washed hair. We were moved into a postpartum suite shortly after delivery, and now we’re getting settled in. I showered first, which was just as uncomfortable as it was refreshing, and then he was able to get in since he rushed here straight from the game. Unfortunately, the Renegades lost in overtime, ending their season earlier than we had hoped, but Theo is completely unbothered. I suspect that it has something to do with not wanting to leave the baby, which I can’t blame him for.
I laugh quietly, careful not to wake Norah, who sleeps peacefully in the bassinet next to my bed. She’s already put herself into a milk coma, but I’m sure she’ll be ready for more very soon. Although I had done a ton of research on breastfeeding, I figured I’d be nervous and need some help at first. I even met with a lactation consultant after my last doctor’s appointment, because Iwas already having anxiety about it. But as soon as I saw that my sweet girl needed me, it was like I knew exactly what to do, and it was the most amazing experience of my life.
“Youdidstink,” I chide. “I threw up in my mouth a little bit.”
“Such a smart ass,” he replies, his eyes locking onto the stack of papers that sits on the table beside me. “What’s that?”
A woman from the hospital came in while he was in the shower, asking if we were ready to fill everything out. I told her Theo was indisposed, asking if she could come back in about half an hour, to which she immediately obliged. I’m sure she just thought we needed some extra time to settle in, but truthfully, I wanted to talk to him first.
We’ve been through so much over the course of the last seven days, and I’m grateful that he’s willing to move forward from it. I still have a mountain of work to do on myself, but I want him to know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m in this. If it takes time for him to feel secure in our relationship, so be it. I never want him to be pressured into doing something he’s not ready for.
“It’s the paternity paperwork,” I say, twisting my hands together in my lap nervously. My throat goes dry, and I force a rough swallow, taking a deep, soothing breath to calm myself. “I know what I did to you was wrong. It was selfish and stupid, and I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you. Because of my own messed-up past, I refused to believe that I was good enough tokeep you happy, so I left before you could break my heart.
“I’ve been so adamant about not being like my mother this whole time, then turned around and did the exact same thing she did. I almost robbed my daughter of a good man who would give her all the love I never had growing up. Norah deserves you just as much as you deserve her, Theo. And I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you the way I did.”
I bat at the tears running down my cheeks, my eyes finding his. “I understand if you want to take things slow. I wouldn’t blame you for waiting to legally bind yourself to us until I’ve shown you that I’m not going to run again. No matter what that paper says, or what the state of Ohio thinks, you’re her daddy. That’ll never change. I just want you to be sure—reallysure—before you put your name on that line.”
He walks toward the bed, lowering himself down so we’re face to face. His eyes fall to my hands that are still wrung together in my lap, pulling them apart and weaving our fingers together. It’s like a balm to my worried heart, the warmth of his touch grounding me like it always does. I was an idiot for thinking I could survive without this man, or that I wouldn’t always have a missing piece if I chose to stay away.
“I need you to really hear what I’m about to say, Fin. Okay?” he asks. I nod in response, giving him my undivided attention as he skims my knuckles with the pad of his thumb.
“When you left, I was so broken. I wandered around the house like I was lost, because the place didn’t feellike a home without you in it. I’d spend hours just staring at her empty crib, feeling so fucking hopeless every time I thought about the fact that she may never see it. But through all the tears and sadness, I never stopped loving either of you.
“I was taught growing up that blood doesn’t make you a family—it’s the way you care for one another that does. It’s the way you protect those who mean the most to you, and how you forgive them when they make a mistake.
“We may have a long road ahead of us, but no matter what, you and Norah are my family. I’ll be at every dance recital and ball game, even if I have to hijack a plane to get there.” He grins, and I can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of me at the thought of Sydney demanding a ride back to Cleveland on the team jet. I owe her big time for that, which I’m sure she’ll remind me of every chance she gets.
His gaze softens, his blue eyes sparkling with emotion. “This is us, baby. And I can’t think of anything I want more than to sign my name on that piece of paper today and make you both mine for good.”
I tuck my lips between my teeth, tears staining my face as I nod. Gratitude washes over me like a warm tide, finally feeling free from the chains of my past. Those things don’t matter anymore. All I need is this beautiful, selfless man and our daughter to know that I’m complete. We’ll surround her with so much love and support that she’ll never have to question her own worth, and she’ll grow into a strong woman who doesn’t accept anything less.
He leans in, pressing his mouth to mine in a connection that tilts my entire universe on its axis. My heart swells, excitement for the future tickling at the inside of my stomach. I want to marry him and have a bunch more babies, but for now, I’m going to soak in every second of the life we’re building.
“I love you,” he whispers, his warm breath fanning across my lips.
“I love you too.”
We stay there, laughing and quietly sneaking kisses like two teenagers who could get caught by their parents at any moment, only breaking apart when Norah’s tiny cries echo throughout the room. She’s a dramatic little thing, her chubby face pinkening as she makes her grievances known.
Theo shoots off the mattress, reaching into the bassinet and picking her up. He gently sways back and forth, but she only wails louder with each passing second.
“Daddy’s here, baby,” he says softly, pressing his lips to the top of her little head. “What’s the matter? Do you need Mama’s boob again? Becausesame.” I roll my eyes, acting like I don’t love the way he flirts. I may be weeks or months away from actually letting him touch me, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel good to know that he still wants me after watching me push an entire human out.
“She probably needs to be changed first,” I say. “Can you grab me a diaper and the wipes, please? They’re on that cart over there.” He twists away like I’m trying tokidnap her, looking at me over his shoulder with a playful scowl.
