“Back off,” he jests. “I’ve got it.” I make a sweeping motion with my hand as if to saybe my guest, secretly hoping that she shit herself, just for him. Pulling my feet up to give them room at the bottom of the bed, I watch with heart eyes as he undoes the swaddle and changes her like a pro. By the time she’s all clean and wrapped back up, I’ve named a whole football team of kids becausegoddamn. There’s nothing sexier than Theo Calloway baby-talking to his little girl like she’s the center of his world. I could watch him do it every day for the rest of my life and never get bored.
I pull down the top of my gown, ready and waiting to feed her when he finally places her into my arms. She latches on immediately, her eyes falling closed within seconds as she drinks. Theo tells me about his run-in with Eric while we were apart, and I can’t help the way my expression twists with disgust at the sound of his name. I’m not surprised by the vile things he said about me, but hearing that it was Austin who took care of it came as a bit of a shock. Then again, the Renegades are a family—one that I’m so lucky to be a part of.
A short time later, we sign all the paperwork, sending it off with the notary. You couldn’t wipe the wide smile off Theo’s face if you tried now that he’s officially her father. As always, he goes all out, ordering himself a T-shirt that saysGirl Dadwith rush shipping. I tease him relentlessly for being so extra, but truthfully, I love it. Our baby deserves a daddy who’s obsessed with her, and that’s exactly what she’s got.
Later that night, when the room is dark and Theo is fast asleep on the tiny pull-out couch, I lie awake, full of gratitude for the second chance I’ve been given. The scared little girl who used to live inside me now has a home, with more acceptance and support than she ever thought imaginable. It’s been a long road full of pain, longing, and mistakes, but I learned so much, every bit of it shaping me into the woman I am today. A woman my daughter can be proud of.
After a lifetime of feeling like I wasn’t enough, I can finally say that I love myself, and that’s something I’ll never take for granted.
FORTY-ONE
THEO
“Hold on,”I say, coming to a grinding halt when I reach the door that leads from the garage into the house. Norah sleeps peacefully in her carrier, utterly unaware that her daddy has been on the verge of a complete and total mental breakdown for the past few hours.
I can’t explain the sense of dread that washed over me when I found out we were being discharged from the hospital this morning. I was shaking the entire way out, my head on a swivel as I searched the parking lot for threats. I swear, I checked both Finley’s seatbelt and Norah’s harness twenty times each, then took all back roads so I could do a speed I was comfortable with.
Fifteen. I went fifteen miles per hour all the way home.
And now that we’ve made it safe and sound, it’s time to go inside.
“Oh my God,” Fin says, her shoulders slumping in annoyance. “What is it now?”
I swallow, feeling like I just shoved an entire bag ofcotton balls into my mouth. My anxiety level is about a twenty out of ten, every bad scenario coming to life in the back of my head and reminding me that nowhere is truly safe for my daughter.
“Boner,” I choke out, my eyes wide with panic. “What if he jumps? Or barks too loud and it scares her? She could be traumatized for life and end up as one of those people who lock themselves in their houses, only going outside to get the mail, which they never open because they’re afraid of Anthrax.”
I’m barely able to breathe at this point, my heart ready to tear a hole through my shirt with how hard it’s beating. My clothes are too tight, squeezing my muscles relentlessly until I feel like I can’t move at all. “I think we should go back to the hospital,” I rush out, my chest heaving. “We can just live there. I’ll buy it, that way they can’t kick us out, you know? How much does a hospital even cos?—”
“Theo, look at me,” she cuts in, grabbing hold of my face. I lock onto her emerald gaze, my pulse immediately slowing as she pulls me out of my thoughts. She takes several, slow, deep breaths, encouraging me to mimic her with big, animated movements. I follow, bringing some much-needed oxygen into my lungs until I no longer feel like I could drop dead at any moment.
She smiles up at me, her beautiful, freckled face giving me everything I need to keep from spiraling. “It’s going to be fine. Stella put him behind a baby gate in the living room, so we can ease them into meeting one another. If he barks, that’s okay. She’ll get used to it.This is all part of the process, and I promise you that nothing bad is going to happen. Alright?”
I release a shaky exhale, looking down to where Norah is still fast asleep. She’s got blankets tucked around her for warmth, and she’s wearing a tiny pink hat with the biggest bow I’ve ever seen. She’s only visible from her chin to her eyebrows, and still the cutest baby in the world.
Fuck. I love her so much, it hurts.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “Sorry. I’m freaking out a little bit. I just want to protect the two of you.”
She huffs a quiet laugh. “I know you do, and for what it’s worth, I’ve never felt safer in my life. You’re the best man I know, Theo. I have no doubt that you’ll do whatever it takes to keep us out of harm’s way. But if you don’t get that sexy ass inside so I can take a real shower and eat real food, I’m going to commit a felony right here in this garage.”
“Fine,” I reply, my cheeks heating because she totally just said my ass is sexy. Packing that away to bring up again later, I reach out, twist the knob, and step inside. I can hear Boner barking in the living room, but Norah doesn’t seem to be phased in the least, not even stirring when he gets louder and more excited.
“See,” Fin says, taking off her shoes and pushing them aside before removing her jacket. She takes the carrier from my hand, so I can do the same while she wanders into the kitchen.
By the time I’ve hung up our coats, she’s already got the baby unbuckled, lifting her from the seat. I can’t help but chuckle at the way Norah stays curled into alittle ball, making her already tiny body look even smaller. She grunts, a quiet cry barely making its way from her lips before Finley pops a pacifier between them.
My heart does flips in my chest as I watch, in awe of how natural she looks caring for our daughter. I have no doubt that Fin would’ve been the most kick-ass single mom, but there’s no way in hell she ever will be. Someday soon, I’ll ask her to be my wife, and we’ll raise our family together just like in my dreams. I’ll give them everything, because that’s exactly what they’ve given me.
“We’re coming, buddy,” she says to the dog as he continues causing a ruckus, giving me a look that sayslet’s do this. I nod, a bit of residual nervous energy flowing through me as I lead my girls to where Boner awaits. As soon as he sees us, he sits down, his happy tongue hanging from the corner of his mouth as he pants excitedly.
“Let me pet him first,” I instruct. I read several articles on how to introduce dogs to new additions, and the first step is to give them attention and praise. Then, you can bring the baby around, allowing them to check everything out at a safe distance until they’re acclimated and showing no signs of anxiety.
I step forward, kneel down, and give him a kiss on the head as I thank him for not tearing the house to shreds while we were gone. Stella was here a lot, and Austin stopped by to play with him, so I know he wasn’t alone much. But this is all a big change for him, so I’m grateful it didn’t seem to have any negativeeffects. He’s the same goofy oaf he’s always been, his fluffy tail slapping against the floor as I scratch his neck and body.
When I’m sure he’s calm, I beckon Finley over, smoothing my hand along his back as he looks up at her. He stands, extending his neck over the top of the gate, making her laugh because she knows exactly what he wants. She gets closer, and he nudges her belly with his nose, pulling back when he realizes that something is different.
“I’ve got your little bestie,” she says with a smile that could light up the entire world. She bends down just enough to let him sniff Norah’s body, giving her a tiny little lick through the blanket. I make a mental note to wash it immediately, so she doesn’t get sick, although I’m sure that’s probably overkill. One time, I watched Reid eat an old French fry off the floor of my sister’s car, so I’m pretty sure a little dog slobber won’t hurt.
