My advisor nods. “Your grades, your evaluations, your professionalism…it’s all impeccable.”
I shrug half heartedly because praise with this tone always means the opposite of good news. I clear my throat, “Thank you.”
The AD shifts in his seat and shoots a glance at the other two. He looks nervous and uncomfortable and that only amps up my anxiety. “A member of the men’s hockey team came forward expressing discomfort with your involvement with the team.”
There it is. The words I’d feared and somehowknewwere coming. The team has been cold and distant, even Hugh has been a stranger in the apartment. I don’t think he is placing the blame on my shoulders, but he is unhappy with the relationship I started with Griff.
Honestly, looking back I can see how badly I fucked up. I never should have started a relationship with someone on the team….but I can’t make myself regret it. Being with him meant a lot to me and I had been…fuck, I had been so happy.
What I should have done is come clean to Griff about Sabrina’s cheating before I started anything with him. Our entire situationship is tainted by the omission.
I frown and work really fucking hard not to cry like a baby. “Discomfort?”
Coach exhales. “We’re referring to interactions that could be perceived as crossing professional boundaries. Even if your intent was not improper…”
“…perception matters,” the AD finishes behind him, eyes sympathetic but resolute.
“So… what does that mean?” I ask, already feeling the room tilt.
“You’re an exceptional student. A tremendous asset to this program,” my advisor says gently, like she’s bracing me for a fall. “But this kind of situation, something that could be interpreted as sexual harassment, puts your future at risk. It could affect your standing at Harvard.”
I blink away the burning tears. “Wait…my Harvard acceptance? It’s being taken?”
The AD squeezes his fingers together on the table and meeting my eye. “We’re not trying to punish you. But we have to address what was reported. We feel the best course is to reassign you. At this time, it would simply be a reassignment with no repercussions on your Harvard admission. There will be no formal claim of sexual harassment.”
“…reassign me?” I echo, heart already twisting into knots. Holy fuck, Griffin went to the administration about me. He is having me pulled from the team because he can’t even stand being around me.
“Yes,” Coach says, uneasy. “You’ll be shifted to work with another team effective immediately. You will no longer be a member of the men’s hockey support staff.”
My breath goes fluttery, stupidly light in my lungs. “…so I’m fired?”
“It’s not a firing,” the AD says quickly. “You’re being reassigned to protect you and the program. We don’t want this to escalate. We don’t want to make waves over someone’s sexual orientation or personal feelings.”
Not wanting to make waves.
Like I’m some stone in a pond that suddenly needs to be discreetly removed. I feel my cheeks turn red and I can barely get my thoughts in order because these words that they are using feel so fucking foreign. Sexual harassment? Sexual Orientation?
“So you’re moving me because of rumor and discomfort? Because I’m bi-sexual and that’s a problem?” My voice is flat, but I can feel it shaking.
“We’re trying to protect your future,” my advisor repeats, almost pleading. “This really has nothing to do with your preferences, Jacob. It’s just about ensuring that everyone feels safe and comfortable.”
Coach doesn’t say anything. What’s he supposed to say? I kind of thought that he would chime in. Say that I did nothing wrong because sexual harassment feels like a big fucking stretch.
I nod once, because I don’t want to explode in here like a caged animal and ruin every relationship and trajectory I’ve built.
“Okay,” I say. “Understood. Can I-um, do I get to know who my accuser is?”
I ask the question already knowing it could only be Griffin. But I need to know. Or I guess I want to know. Because then I would at least know for sure that whatever we had is over. Him choosing to not respond to me should be enough but I guess this would be the final nail in the coffin.
Coach gives me a wry almost apologetic grin, “We tend to keep these things anonymous. It’s not a formal complaint so we are taking steps to ensure you are protected, as well as the team member who felt uncomfortable.”
I nod. I feel almost hollow inside knowing that Griffin is so hurt and angry that he would go after the thing I love the most.
They begin talking logistics and future plans but I stop listening around, “We’ll make sure this doesn’t affect your academic standing…”
I don’t have the emotional stamina to deal with what is happening. I feel like someone just ran me over with a semi and then proceeded to back up and do it again. And again.
Griffin’s anger was warranted. I understood the feeling of betrayal because I should have said something. But to go to this length? To have me removed? It feels…painful. So fucking painful.
