“Uh, privacy for what?”
She pulls out a clear sandwich baggie stuffed with mismatched pills and gives it a little shake. “Didn’t want the parents ruining my fun,” she tells me, smiling. “So I came up after you left the entertainment room.”
I just stand there, stunned. I look down the hallway, then quickly shut my bedroom door and walk over to her.
“Where in the hell did you get all of that?”
She holds the baggie up and stares at it for a second, then shrugs. “Here and there.”
I’m amazed by the sheer volume and variety of pills she’s carrying. There are blue squares and white ovals, tablets, and big capsules.
“So, I saw your two bottles sitting over there.” She tilts her head toward my dresser.
Instinct pushes me to step in front of them, blocking her view. Not that it does much good since she’s already seen them.
She scoffs when she realizes what I’m doing. “Are you hiding it because you don’t want me to know what you take, or because you think I’m going to steal it?”
My cheeks burn. “Um, not many people know I need meds. I like to keep it that way.”And you have enough random pills in that baggie to start a pharmacy, and I doubt you got them legally.
She seems to buy my explanation, though, thankfully.
“You can tell me, Hud. I won’t spill your secret.” She gives me a small smile and pats the bed beside her.
My curiosity is killing me, so I decide to try fishing for a little info of my own. “How about a secret for a secret? I’ll tell you why I need meds, and you tell me why you’re carrying your own personal apothecary.”
Ella studies me for a second, then gives a coy smile and nods. “Deal. I’ll start.” She pulls her legs underneath her, agleam in her eyes. “Pills can be fun. Sometimes I just need an escape. And if I mix the right combo? Euphoria. Plus, what do you think keeps me so perky all the time?” She looks away with a dreamy stare.
“Ella, that’s fucking dangerous. You could mix the wrong thing and it’d be lights out.”
She flaps her hand at me dismissively. “Don’t be so neurotic. I’m obviously still alive and kicking. Have I made a bad combo before? Sure. Got sick? Yeah. But half the thrill is in the gamble.”
I stare at her, gaping. The audacity of treating her life like some kind of game…
“Now it’s your turn. What secrets are you hiding, Hudson?”
I shake myself on an exhale and grab my pill bottles, looking at them for a moment before handing them over.
“Oh, I’ve taken these before, but this is a stronger dose than what I had. For anxiety, right?” I nod as she studies the label. “What’s this one for? I’ve never heard of it.”
“It’s… for depression and panic disorder.”
Ella scrutinizes my face, then looks back at my bottles. “You’re always so happy. And the smartest person in our class. I’ve never seen you struggle a day in your life.”
Struggle is my middle name.
“I have high-functioning depression.”
“Like a functioning alcoholic?”
I snort a laugh. “I mean… yeah, I guess.”
“Huh. The more you know,” she shrugs. “Well, if you ever want to supplement, I’ve got uppers, downers, those that’ll give you a trip, help you sleep… Oh! This one made me taste colors once…” She starts digging through her little baggy, plucking out pills and comparing them like candy.
“Thanks, but I think I’ll stick with what my doctor prescribed.”
“Suit yourself.” She pops two pills—one tiny orange, the other a pale green—and swallows them dry.
“What did you just take?” I ask, concern threading through my voice.Please God, don’t let her keel over in my bedroom.
