“I can’t prove it, but it almost seemed like you had been drugged.”
I freeze for a second—then burst out laughing. “That’s ridiculous. I poured all my own drinks and never let them out of my sight.” I just went too hard and got a cross buzz.Right?
“You were grabbing random bottles, not to mention, you wandered off with Ella.”
I blink at him. I know Cull’s never been chummy with her, but this feels like a low blow, even for him.
“You think Ella slipped me something? That’s insane.” My cheeks heat, and my fists twitch with the urge to clench. She’s been a big part of my life since we were babies and was my first best friend. Sure, she can be a little too bubbly and even closed off when she wants to be, but she’s never so much as said a mean thing to me.
She’s harmless.
So hearing Cull even suggest that pisses me off.
“If you’d seen yourself last night, you might believe me. She said you drank and smoked a little, but you were damn near unconscious by the time I got you to the truck, and now you don’t remember anything. Meanwhile, she was hardly buzzed. It just seems… off.”
I try not to let my anger boil over. I know Cullen’s looking out for me, but Ella’s my friend too, and this is starting to feel a little like jealousy.
“You sure you’re not just jealous I’ve got someone else to hang with while you’re busy fighting with my sister?” The words are out before I can stop them, and the regret hits instantly. “I’m sorry, Cull. I shouldn’t have said that,” I admit, deflating.
He gets up from the computer chair without a word, balls up the foil, and tosses it into the bag. “Take the Tylenol I left for you last night,” he mutters, nodding toward two little tablets on my nightstand I hadn’t noticed, “and get some rest. I’ll see you when I see you.” Shoulders slumped, he turns to leave.
“Cull, wait.”
He turns, and the look on his face makes my chest tighten. His mouth is pulled down in a deep frown, brows drawn together. He looks… sad.
“I’m sorry. I know you’re not jealous, and it wasn’t fair to throw that at you, but there is no reason to rag on Ella. She’s not a bad person.”
His smile is small, defeated, as he turns to leave again. Before he makes it too far, I stop him one more time.
“How did I get into bed last night?”
He keeps his back to me when he answers, posture rigid. “I took care of you. Not Ella. Not your sister.Me. No one gave a damn how fucked up you were. Just me, Hud.”
Then he walks out my door, calmly shutting it behind him.
The ache in my chest hurts like hell. Guilt and sadness slam into me all at once, and I’m quickly drowning in it. My breathing goes shallow, tears falling before I even realize I’m crying.
I abandon the taco on my bed and stand, knees cracking from lack of use this morning. Walking over to the dresser, I grab my magic bottle of pills and twist it open. The little blue oval tumbles into my hand, then I pop it in my mouth, chasing it with the last of the yellow Gatorade Cull brought me.
I crawl back into bed and curl up on my side, like that’ll somehow help me disappear. The guilt just keeps coming, wave after wave. I hurt Cull. I fuckinghurthim. He was just looking out for me, and I threw my own bullshit in his face like a coward.
I’m the jealous one.
Not him.
I breathe deep through my nose, hoping to slow my spiral, but it doesn’t help when my brain’s screaming that I’m pathetic.
I ruin everything.
My skin feels like it’s crawling with ants, and I can’t take it anymore. I bolt out of bed and head for the bathroom across the hall, twisting the shower knob all the way to cold. Clothes hit the floor fast, and the second I step under the frigid spray, the panic jerks to a halt. It’s a shock to the system, but it works. Notmy favorite way to snap out of it, but right now, I’ll take whatever does the job.
My brain isn’t screaming anymore, just a cruel whisper. It's an upgrade from being berated for being a broken crackpot of a human, I guess. A few tears keep sliding down my cheeks, but the water washes them away without a sound.
Once my teeth become an uncontrollable chatter, I nudge the faucet toward warm and press my hands to the wall. My breathing’s steady again, and I feel more in control.
If there’s one upside to that panic attack, it’s that it wiped out my hangover. Now I just feel like shit for a whole different reason.
Once the water warms up, I wash fast, towel off, and brush my teeth.
