So I silently took the abuse.
As soon as my parents got a few pictures, I hightailed it out of there.
I’ve been sitting in the school parking lot for a few minutes, just trying to calm my nerves. I pat my pockets for my speech and exhale when I feel the folded paper in my back pocket. Thank God I’m obsessive enough to have written it earlier this week. It’ll at least have positive affirmations insteadof the doom and gloom I’d write today, thanks to my depression poking me with a stick.
Hadley’s words are still echoing, helping that darkness bloom. But it’s more than that. My anxiety’s been through the roof ever since my stalker called. They’ve not tried to contact me since, and you’d think I’d be relieved he’s gone quiet, but the silence just makes it worse. It feels like the calm before something catastrophic.
When I see Cullen walking across the parking lot, I honk to get his attention and jump out of my Bronco. I hurry over to him and throw my arms around his neck. The second I touch him, everything inside me clenches and unravels all at once. I didn’t even know how bad I needed him until right now.
We’ve not seen each other since he left my house that night, opting to skip the last few days of school since they weren’t mandatory for seniors. Cull tried to skip too, so he could keep me company, but I didn’t want him to see me like that again. I told him I was tired and planned to sleep, which wasn’t a lie. I did sleep. A lot. Just in between the crying spells and a couple of panic attacks.
“Hey, baby. How are you today? Ready to give your speech?” He pulls me in tight, like he knows I need the pressure. His evergreen cologne hits me, settling me a little. Not as much as I hoped, but it helps.
“I’m a little nervous, but otherwise, I’m good.” He grabs my hand, walking us towards the gym.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better. And don’t be nervous. Just picture me naked. That should help.” He waggles his eyebrows, making me snort.
“I don’t need an erection while I’m standing in front of a few hundred people, Cull, but thanks for the advice.”
“Eh, this ugly gown would cover it up.”
I roll my eyes. He’s not wrong, but still.
We enter the gym hand in hand and head toward the check-in table. We give our names so they can check us as present, then go over to where Archer and Matt are joking around.
Once all the seniors have arrived and the admin gives us last-minute instructions, I give Cullen a kiss before heading to the stage.
Being Valedictorian kind of sucks. I don’t get to sit with my friends, but at least I can look out and see Cullen’s handsome face in the front row.
He catches my eye and winks, my nerves settling as I take my seat beside Blair, the Salutatorian. She gives me a nervous smile before looking back toward the crowd.
I pull my speech from my pocket and skim over it while Principal Ward welcomes everyone and gives a few pleasant remarks. I’m so focused on the words that I don’t even hear him call my name. Blair nudges my arm, nodding toward the podium.
I exhale and stand, walking to the wooden lectern. I smooth the page against the sloped surface, glancing up at the crowd.
My parents are beaming. My grandparents wave from their spot beside them, and I smile back. Then my eyes find Cullen’s, and everything else fades. He’s holding his hands in the shape of a heart, grinning that devastating grin. He mouths, “I’m proud of you”, giving me the confidence to begin.
“Good morning, everyone. I’d like to start by thanking Principal Ward and the administrative staff for bestowing this honor on me. I take great pride in this accomplishment, and I hope my words resonate with you today.”
I thank parents, teachers, and community leaders for their support throughout the years. I thank my friends for their loyalty, and, to her surprise, I thank Hadley. The shocked lookon her face when I call her my partner in crime from childhood, and credit her as a constant positive presence in my life, is priceless. I also ask her to forgive me for not always being the brother she deserved. That part wasn’t in the original speech, but it doesn’t make it any less true.
I segue into encouraging words about never giving up, and always looking for the light in the darkness. I talk about leaning on the people who love us when we need support, about how falling down is inevitable, and how getting back up is where our character is formed.
Just as I’m about to wrap things up, I catch movement near the back of the gym. Two police officers step inside and position themselves by the doors, eyes trained straight ahead—on me. I assume they’re here to watch someone get their diploma, so I push forward with my speech.
“Never forget how strong you truly are. Our brains like to lie to us and tell us we can’t do things or that we’re weak. But our hearts are where our courage truly lives. Listen to your heart. It will never lead you astray. It may lead you to your next job opportunity or a new group of friends. It may lead you to the person who changes everything.”
I glance at Cullen. He’s beaming with pride and love, and I have to look away before I lose my composure.
“Don’t be afraid to say yes to that thing that scares you. It may lead you to your forever. I’d like to end with this quote from the great Maya Angelou:‘Success is loving life and daring to live it.’
“Dare to live your life. Live it the way you want, without the world telling you what they think you should do. Love hard. Forgive dumb mistakes. Embrace change. Embrace failure. But always stand back up. Thank you and congratulations.”
The gym erupts in applause, people rising to their feet, and a sharp whistle pierces through the noise. It’s my dad,fingers in his mouth, proudly embarrassing me. My mom’s swiping under her eyes, a bright smile on her face. And Cullen, he blows me a kiss and yells,“That’s my boyfriend!”
I blush all the way to the tips of my ears and hurry back to my seat, already counting down the minutes until I can kiss him stupid.
The band kicks into the graduation march, signaling the start of the diploma procession. I try to focus, but I notice the two officers have crept closer to the stage. Their eyes haven’t left me once, and that sense of foreboding I felt earlier slams back into me full force.
