Unfortunately for me, though,Parkerwas enough. I didn’t need ocean views or thousands of acres. I only needed her.
“What does it look like for you?” she asked, finally dropping her attention back to me.
“Horses,” I answered, not wanting to tell her the truth and make her feel bad. If Parker wanted to dream, I’d count the fucking sheep just so she could.
A crease formed between her brows. “Like rodeo?”
I shrugged. “Sure. Got some friends that wanna ride broncs. Why not?”
Behind those eyes, she seemed to hold something back. But then she leaned down and pecked a kiss to my mouth. “You’ll be the best damn bronc rider this side of the Mississippi ever saw.”
I tugged her to me, drawing the kiss deeper. “You gonna watch me fall on my ass?” My hand fell to hers for emphasis, squeezing the perfect flesh through her skirt.
“For as long as I’m here,” she murmured before tangling her hands in my hair and slipping her tongue in my mouth.
And for the first time in my life, while I kissed the girl who hung the moon and the stars, I wondered if I was enough.
15
BECKHAM
My phone’s spot on the coffee table was a heavy presence on my conscience as I fought the urge to pick up the device. My hands itched. My mind was warring. But most of all, my heart hurt.
The worst part was that I should be on fucking cloud nine right now. I lay in bed with Parker and ended up with her in my arms by morning. What more could I want right now?
It was a stupid question, because I was greedy, and all I wanted was to text my best friend and tell him I got her back. I held Parker in my arms, and I didn’t fuck it up.
Garrett’s phone was still connected. His mom never stopped paying his bill, and if one day she decided to, I’d take it over. She kept it plugged in on the nightstand in his childhood bedroom so if either of us wanted to hear his voice, we could call and listen to his voicemail. What we were doing to ourselves was cruel, but no one reallytaught you how to grieve. Did you move on completely, erasing everything but the memories that inevitably would fade? Or did you leave reminders of him around so that when you missed him, you could ease the ache in some way?
I think that was why I hadn’t mustered the courage to tell my family about his passing. Their lives were completely separate from my life in rodeo, which made it easy to hide it. But I didn’t want my processing of all of this to be rushed by society’s pressure to go back to normal.
There was nonormalafter you lost someone, anyway.
There was just existing, and finding ways to cope.
Parker in my arms last night, her breasts pressed up against my chest with only the thin material of her tank top separating us—that wasn’t coping. That was living a fucking dream.
If someone had told me months ago, “Hey, don’t waste away, asshole. The love of your life is going to come back,” I likely would’ve punched them in the face—much like I had with my brother—and told them I’d do whatever the fuck I wanted. Because that’s what happens sometimes when people grieve—they get angry.
“Is your favorite color still green?” Avery asked, arranging her colorful plastic horses around the mini bale of hay I’d made her with leftover baling twine and broken pieces of straw. She had a whole farm set at my house, complete with a barn, tractors, and an arena.
We’d finished the breakfast Parker hadprepared for us this morning: a heaping pile of waffles covered with strawberries and whipped cream, alongside some slices of bacon. Now, Parker was cradling her Dr. Pepper on the couch while she watched Avery and me play imaginary farm animals.
“Hmm,” I hummed, setting the toy dog by the water trough. “I think today it’s yellow.”
Avery scrunched her nose. “Why do you change it so much?”
“It’s only fair to all the other colors,” I told her. Itdefinitelywasn’t because Parker wore a pale yellow crewneck today.
“What’s your favorite color?” Avery asked, looking over her shoulder at Parker.
She smiled. “Mine’s yellow, too.”
“No one in my class likes yellow,” Avery said, a little disappointed.
“Well, now you’ve got two people who do.” I scruffed her hair, and she swatted my hand away with a toothy smile and a giggle before we went back to playing.
“Where’d you get that longhorn skull from?” Parker asked, gesturing with her drink to the one sitting on the wall above my TV.
