“Shit…”
“Oh God,” Joan despairs, slumping to the ground. “She’s gonna kill me.”
“No,” I say, quickly lifting her to her feet and cradling her in my arms. “Everything is going to be all right.”
“How? You have a plan?”
“Of course I do,” I reply. It’s a lie. I’m speaking before I think, but it doesn’t matter. I may not have a plan at this moment, but I would go to war for Joan.
Not my father, not her mother, not the convent—no onewill take my angel from me.
9
JOAN
My knees are knocking,and my limbs are trembling as I gasp for breath. I’m outside, yet somehow it feels like I need more air.
“I can’t—I can’t breathe!” I stammer, stumbling over the patio furniture as I reach for something to steady me.
My foot catches on a fallen chair, and I start to fall, but Amon catches me, his strong hands gripping my waist like supports that go straight into my center.
“Why…why didn’t she say anything?” I mutter. “Why didn’t she do anything?”
Momma saw Amon with his arm around me—with me pulled up tight against him. And all she did was walk away.
That’s never been her style. She’s always shouted at me, scolded me, never been afraid to tell me how things are gonna be. The fact that she didn’t this time has me panicked.
“It’s okay, baby,” Amon says, his voice so strong and so unmoving. “Just breathe. Breathe.”
He sets me down on the grass as I hyperventilate. I look up at him, searching his eyes for the strength I need. And I find it. But there’s something else there too that I’ve never seen from him.
Fear.
No, maybe not fear. But he’s worried. He knows this is bad, but he’s putting on a good face for me.
“I won’t let her send you back,” he says. “Now justbreathe.”
He leans in close, his lips just below my ear, and takes deep, strong breaths. I close my eyes and follow, matching his rhythm.
My hands grip the grass, searching for some kind of control, but it feels like the world is closing in around me.
“What were we thinking?” I mutter. “How could we be so stupid?”
I hear Amon’s breath shift and feel his hand roughly grip my chin. My eyes open as he forces my face to his.
“Don’t youdaresay that,” he growls. “We belong together. You know that.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I can’t…wecan’t…”
I leap to my feet, but my legs give out, and I tumble forward, knocking the wind from my chest. Gasping, I feel Amon’s hands on me, but I jerk away and race back into the house.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I sprint to my room and lock the door behind me. Gasping for breath, I lean against the wall, only to be shocked by a voice behind me.
“Desire is conceived, and it gives birth to sin.” I whirl to see Momma sitting on my bed, staring at me with cold eyes. “And sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
“Jesus, Momma—”
“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vein,” she snaps.
