“Not for what I want to do.”
“And what do you want to do?”
I smirked, pulling him into me under the stream of water. “Something long overdue.”
Chapter nineteen
Present Day
Ipulled my baseball cap lower and shoved my hands into my coat pockets as we strolled out of the hotel into the chilly New Jersey evening. This was fucking stupid. Why weren’t we in bed, tangled in the sheets, making up for lost time or sleeping off the jet lag in each other’s arms? Enzo had refused to tell me what the fuck we were doing walking the streets at nearly midnight, but his infectious eagerness was too damn cute to argue with.
He had his phone in his hand, twisting it one way and then another as he studied a map, then pointed to the left.
“This way.” He started walking, his face half-hidden beneath his hood, his eyes fixed on the screen. I rolled my eyes but reluctantly followed him because it had become clear to me inthe past two hours that I’d likely follow Enzo Aiani to the ends of the earth.
I had tried. I really had. But the moment he poured his heart out to me on that plane, I knew a part of me had already surrendered. Denying how madly I was in love with this man, how deeply I had always been, was too exhausting and made us both miserable. There was no doubt in my mind that he was the love of my fucking life. I’d known that ten years ago, and I still did. But love had never been our issue.
I knew Enzo loved me with everything he was. But that was the problem. Back then, he wasn’t capable of loving me the way he wished he could or the way I needed him to. He’d chosen fear, and I’d been forced to choose myself. So I’d accepted I was one of the unlucky ones, where love wasn’t enough and I wasn’t enough.
I kept one pace behind him, staring at his broad back as he walked with purpose. He’d changed so much. Yet he hadn’t really changed at all. All the parts of him I’d fallen in love with years ago were still there. He was still the same passionate, determined, vulnerable yet strong man who refused to give up, even when the world was against him. He still looked at me with those eyes and made me feel like I was all he could see. He was smart, affectionate and so fucking irresistible. And all those things were still true. But somehow, he’d made them truer.
He’d grown and matured into a man he could finally be proud to be, despite how much he’d struggled to find himself. So did I ever really stand a chance? Refusing to forgive him for the pain he’d caused when he was no longer the same person felt… cruel to us both.
He was choosing me now. He was choosing us. He’d kissed me on a plane in front of his men without shame. That had healed a deep wound I hadn’t realised still stung, but it had also opened a new one I didn’t like, infected with fear and doubt. This wasall new to him. He’d finally accepted his sexuality, and the world was about to open up to him in ways he still didn’t realise. So I knew I had to protect myself, which was why I’d shut down and tried to pretend that kiss didn’t mean the whole fucking world to me.
We needed to take this slowly and not rush into anything, because I wouldn’t survive him breaking my heart again. Fear wasn’t something I allowed. I’d been too familiar with it as a child, so I refused to let it control me as an adult. I didn’t fear death, nor did I have irrational phobias. But losing myself again to a love that could destroy me a second time… that fucking terrified me.
But it turned out that my love for him outweighed that fear. When he looked at me in that hotel corridor, with those crystal blue eyes filled with so much longing and crippling sadness that I was still pushing him away, I couldn’t take it. I tried to leave, but every step felt like a piece of my heart was being torn and left at his feet. I was so sick of fighting that feeling. Of fighting against him. So I stopped. But I hated that doubt and fear still lingered, even now.
We had been walking for miles when Enzo suddenly stopped as we reached a busy stretch of wooden boards, lit by the glow of orange string lights that gave an oddly cosy feel to such a large open space. Enzo turned to me with a broad grin and opened his arms wide. “We’re here.”
I peered around, taking in the scene with no idea what we were doing here or why. Even though it was late, the place was abuzz with life—couples strolling hand in hand, groups of young adults laughing as they huddled on benches that looked out over the endless ocean, which lapped gently against the sand. Neon lights and signs glowed from buildings along the path, highlighting the creative murals and making the place feel almost magical. This place had personality.
“What are we doing here?”
Enzo took a few slow, casual steps towards me, and the corner of his lip curled into a dangerously sexy smile. “I thought it was about time we had a public date.”
“A what?” I stammered. It was the last thing I had expected him to say. His smile widened at the shock on my face, and he reached for my hand, entwining our fingers. I stared down at our hands, blinking slowly as my heart hammered in my chest and my knees nearly buckled.
“I know it’s not the most extravagant or elegant date, but will you walk with me?” Enzo asked again, because I was still staring at our joined hands like an idiot. I swallowed and forced my gaze to meet his.
“Are you sure?” I couldn’t help worrying that he was pushing himself too fast and that something would make him freak out. In the space of a few days, he’d come out to his friends and family and kissed me in front of his soldiers. And now… he wanted to walk hand in hand in a very public place. Granted, it wasn’t Italy, where we would be recognised, but still. It was a huge step for him.
I became lost in his eyes as he lifted his free hand to my face, caressing my jaw before gripping it firmly and pulling my mouth to meet his. My body tensed in surprise, but as soon as his lips met mine and his tongue swept against my lower lip, I melted into him. The kiss was tender and gentle, so fucking mind-blowing that my brain couldn’t stop screaming on repeat;Enzo Aiani was kissing me in front of all these people.
When he stepped back, he chuckled with such ease at my dazed expression that my mouth dropped open. He tugged my hand to make me start walking. I stared at his profile, at the ridiculous grin he had plastered on his face. My cheeks flushed, and the cold Atlantic breeze was a welcome fan to take the heat from my burning skin.
We walked in perfect silence for a few minutes, our fingers laced together, taking in the gravity of this moment. I felt like a giddy fucking kid on their birthday. People passed us, and some smiled. A few stared, taking us in, but mostly no one seemed to give a shit about the two muscular Italian men walking down an American boardwalk hand in hand.
I’d never cared what anyone else thought. There was only one man whose opinion mattered to me. And he was still beaming from ear to ear, his eyes darting back to my face every now and then, as if he thought I might disappear into thin air. I knew the feeling. This felt surreal.
“Are you hungry?” Enzo asked, nodding towards the random food vendors dotted along the boardwalk. The wind wafted the scent of sweet caramel and warm dough mingling with the salt of the sea, and my stomach groaned.
“Si,” I managed to find my voice. “I could eat.”
There weren’t many choices left since it was past midnight, but we each bought a slice of pizza bigger than my head and smothered in cheese.
“I don’t get it. Why do Americans make everything larger than life?” I asked as we took a seat on one of the vacant benches, looking across at the twinkling lights of New York City.
