“Isn’t that why we’re here? To finish what we started?”
“You really think I brought you home with me to have sex?”
Okay, so maybe that’s the ultimate goal, but I’m not that much of an asshole.
“I promised to make it up to you.” She climbed onto her knees and leaned into him. She gave up on his pants, and her fingers found the top button of his shirt and worked it loose. “I’m pretty good at it, you know.”
She wriggled one hand free, but his reflexes slowed as he wondered just how good she was and what tricks she’d learned.
“I’m sure you are, but—”
Her hand landed hot on his dick, her grip tight.
“Fuck.” His hips bucked, cramming the head of his cock into her palm. He ground his teeth and pried her fingers loose.
Why am I fucking fighting her?
“I used to watch a lot of porn so I’d know how to do it.” She clenched and unclenched her hand. “I figured if I was really good, Chase would never make it past third base.”
That’s why you’re not doing this. Because of Murdick and what he’s done to her.
“Come on, fuckboy, let me do this for you. Let me make you feel good. I want to. I never wanted to before. I need to feel something other than dead inside.”
And because of that.
“Jo, just fucking stop,” he growled, his tone sharper than he’d meant.
Her hand jerked away. “I’m sorry.” Slowly, she sat back on her heels and covered her face with her hands. “God, I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“It’s me who’s sorry.” He sat on the side of the bed and hauled her onto his lap. She didn’t fight him, but her muscles were rigid, and she didn’t burrow into him as she had earlier. He brushed his knuckles over her cheek. “I didn’t mean to shout.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t give you much choice.” She shivered. Probably the adrenaline firing through her taking a nosedive. “I should go.”
“No.” He pulled the throw from the end of the bed over her, for his sake as well as hers. “I brought you here to take care of you, not take advantage of you.”
“It’s not taking advantage if I want the same thing.”
“Believe me, there’s nothing else I’d rather do right now than make you gag on my dick.” That got him a snort. “But not tonight, not when you’re vulnerable and grieving, and… I can’tbelieve I’m saying this, but I respect you too much to do that to you.”
Twisting around, he laid her down in the middle of the bed to face the bank of windows with a view of city lights. He spooned in behind her, fighting the resentment that gnawed at him. She was fucking naked, in his fucking bed, and here he was, still fucking dressed with his own self-imposed rule of no fucking touching.
Instead, he seized a handful of blanket, kissed the top of her head, and fought the need to grind against her ass. “Now, just so you understand, I won’t say no tomorrow. I’ll want you to suck my dick, a hundred percent, ’cause the sun’ll come out tomorrow, and it’ll all be okay.”
Or is it tomorrow’s another day? Darkest before the dawn? One of them have to be true.
“It won’t,” she said, quietly. Too quietly. “No matter what I do. No matter how hard I work. No matter how many times I tell myself otherwise, it’s never okay. Not for long anyway. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Why these things keep happening to me.”
“This isn’t happening because of something you’re doing or not doing. You are not to blame. This is the work of some deranged asshole who has it in their twisted mind that you’ve done something wrong. We just have to figure out who it is.”
And as soon as she fell asleep, he’d call the one person who could make that happen.
Chapter Fourteen
Standing at Avery’s bedroom window, Jo took in the early morning’s hazy view of downtown Houston. She had to admit, he was right last night. The sun had come up, and everything would be okay.
What other choice was there. Life went on. And her grandma’s voice was still yammering at her loud and clear, reminding her that, while her life might be falling apart, she couldn’t.
“It’s not the load that breaks you down, girl, it’s the way you carry it.”
