Yet I can’t turn off those thoughts that he’s going to wake up one day and want the perfect little family that Jalon always called them. Now that Lorissa is leaving, it feels less… possible.
Voss hands Axl to Oakley, and I smile. It’s weird that he’s talking about kids with Loren. I feel like that’s a really bad idea, and not just because a voice in my head is still bitter about their relationship. If we’re looking at just the facts alone, Loren is a sociopath. Is it a good idea that he’s responsible for the life and care of children? It’s a legitimate question.
It’s also a decent distraction from watching Voss hug Lorissa. It’s not quick. At all. They stand just to the side of the car with the back door open. He’s holding her. It makes my heart race.
Just a goodbye. She had his baby. It’s okay that he feels some kind of way toward her. That’s perfectly normal. Expected. It doesn’t mean he’s in love with her.
We’re dating, I remind myself. That came out of his mouth. That means he’s my boyfriend, right? Well, he’s mysomethingat any rate. He’s more mine than hers, even if I didn’t carry his child.
After far longer than necessary, Voss finally lets her go, and she climbs into the back of the car. I see her hands flick out as she waves. Voss waits until she’s fully inside the car before shutting the door. He takes several steps back.
A minute passes. My heart freezes. My breath stills. I stare as this moment drags on. And then the car is driving around the fountain and down the road, disappearing under the canopy of trees. I stare still until the taillights disappear.
She’s gone. She’s really gone. I lick my lips and look down at the gaggle of people. Emerson is still waving as he holds Briar’s hand, but is standing on his own little feet. Not on his own. Noazis right behind him, hand on Emerson’s shoulder, keeping him steady.
The group eventually turns toward the house. Oakley keeps Axl in his arms as they disappear from view. Absently, I wonder if Voss trusts Axl in Loren’s care. Would he be offended if I asked him? I truly am just curious right now.
I turn from the window and head out of the room. I don’t run, but I make a direct route to the stairs closest to my bedroom and climb up two at a time until I’m on the landing. I’m in my room a minute later and standing in the little vestibule area as I concentrate on the way my heart continues to race.
I feel guilty for wanting her to leave. I shouldn’t feel that way. It’s selfish. It’s a reflection of my insecurity. Shockingly, I have a lot of insecurities. All of which seems to stem from people replacing me.
My eyes scan the entry room that everyone refers to as the bedroom vestibule. I was being ironic in calling it little. It’s as large as the room I had in the house we rented together in southern Arizona. Levis’ and Honey Bee’s are set up with a purpose. I have no vision, so it’s a catchall of random shit.
There’s a bookshelf with some books haphazardly stacked and falling. There’s a chair—the one I curled up in with Voss and read about asexuality on his phone. There’s a weight bench with some weights, though I barely touch it. I also have a drafting table. Why? No idea. It seemed like a good investment.
I jump when arms wrap around me from behind. “She’s gone,” Voss says quietly.
My shoulders tense. “I should have said goodbye,” I admit.
Voss chuckles. “How many times did you talk to her since she moved in?”
I want to say I’ve talked to her plenty, but I don’t think I’ve spoken to her once more than the initial introduction, where I said, ‘hi.’ “It would have been polite,” I argue.
“Not a big deal. She’s not offended.”
“Are you sad she’s gone?” I ask.
Voss hums, but his arms hug me tightly. “I’ve spent a lot of time with her since I arrived in New York last December. She’s a good person. She’s smart and passionate and funny.”
“And attractive?”
He laughs. “Yeah. But it might have been more about proximity and convenience. My point is we became friends, so yes, I’m going to miss her. Miss her as my friend. Nothing else, Brek.”
“I’m transparent as glass, aren’t I?”
“My first introduction to you was when you were wildly jealous of Oakley and Loren’s relationship, so… yeah, I recognize it easily enough.”
“Ouch.”
“You have trust issues,” Voss says.
“No, I have issues with change,” I correct.
“Oh?”
I nod. “It took a lot of soul searching to figure out that’s what the problem is, and not that I’m actually in love with my friends. Learning that I’m asexual and aromantic really helped becausethe feelings that I was struggling with outside of that situation rolled right into aroaceandexplained why I was hanging on so tightly to the people I love.Platonically.”
“Aromantic, huh?”
