I drop into the chair outside and sigh. Confused. Again. It’s super frustrating because I anticipated this coming. Iknewmy aromanticism was on the verge of being challenged. In fact, I’ve already been reading a lot about it, and I think I get it. I’m demiromantic. All those emotional attachments that I wassure didn’t actually affect my sexual desire affect my romantic feelings instead.
And even though I knew this was coming, it doesn’t make it any easier to accept. Mostly because I don’t know what to do about it. I mean, I’m fucking jealous of Voss’ kid getting all his attention.
Hmm. No, that’s not it. I’m jealous because Jalon keeps calling them a perfect little family. Lorissa, Voss, and their newborn son. Somewhere in my chest, I just know that this changes everything. Whatever was going on between us doesn’t matter anymore because they share a kid.
They’re a family now. What am I but a confused asshole who doesn’t know shit about themselves? Everything I thought I knew is like clay. The shape keeps changing with the environment, and I never know what’s going to happen next.
It’s not like I blame him. Every kid deserves loving parents. Hell, I’d have given my right arm to have loving parents. Mine are assholes. I don’t want that for Axl. He deserves all the love. He deserves to be spoiled and cherished and happy.
“What’re you doing out here?” Levis asks.
He has his wakizashi in hand, so I imagine he’s heading to the field to practice. For a minute, I look at him, wondering if I’m attracted to him. Is it just Voss? That would be inconvenient, given the new family he has.
Looking at Levis, I know I’m not attracted to him. Not physically. Not romantically. He’s perfect. But maybe that’s the problem. He doesn’t have any flaws. I have all the ones he doesn’t. We’d be far too unbalanced.
“Nothing,” I answer and turn my attention toward the field again.
Levis sits in the seat beside me. “New baby woes?”
I look at him, confused. “What?”
He laughs. “It seems everyone is kind of obsessed with Axl right now. Just like they were with Emerson. There’s a lot of heightened emotion, and since Voss and Axl live in the big house with us, it’s hard to get away from. Unlike when Emerson was born, since they live separately.”
“Oh. I guess.”
“I didn’t guess right.”
“You don’t need to guess, Lev. I’m fine.”
“You’ve been really quiet lately, Brek. Shutting down on us and shutting us out.”
“Sorry.”
Levis grips my arm, and I look at him. “You don’t need to apologize. We’re just worried about you.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to apologize again, but I think we’re both tired of hearing that. Maybe I should just get it all off my chest. Cry about all the feelings I’m now overwhelmed with that I was so sure I’d never feel, and how unfair it is because the man they’re directed at has a new family!
A perfect new family.
But I don’t. I shake my head and don’t say anything.
“Want to know a secret?” Levis asks.
I’m kind of expecting something like he tried a new cereal because Levis doesn’t have secrets. “Sure.”
“I’ve been seeing someone this week.”
My eyes widen. I shift in my seat to look at him. “How the hell… what?”
He chuckles. “Yep.”
“Someone who makes you excited?”
Levis’ smile climbs. “I don’t know. It’s been a week, but… yeah. There’s something strangely thrilling about it in the most unexpected way. I haven’t felt that before.”
“Not to get all Honey Bee on you, but tell me more. I want all the details.”
He laughs. “There’s not a lot to tell, really. We’ve been kissing, and it’s stupidly hot. Touching, which is also stupidly hot.”
