Everything is back to normal. The guys switch off on who works when they can, but if not, Vince is always here. Addy is thriving and so happy. There's no hint that something traumatic happened just a little over a week ago.
And every day I feel like I should be anywhere but here, while also knowing this is the only place I will actually belong.
I’m not sleeping, and when I do, I wake from nightmares of what could have happened to Addy because of me.
Desmond had the misfortune of sleeping with me the other night, only to be violently woken up by my panic.
He was so sweet; he held me while I tried to get myself under control, rubbing my back and assuring me that everything was okay—that Addy was okay.
I cried myself back to sleep in his arms and felt so silly in the morning that I’ve yet to face him. I’ve also been sure to sleep alone so as not to repeat that with him or any of the others.
I don’t want to talk about what happened or bring it up for Nathan. He trusted me with Addy, his world, and I failed her; I’m the reason she was ever in danger to begin with.
All because of Carter. Which brings me back to bringing it up.
What did they do with Trevor?
Do I even really want to know?
Yes, I need to know what happened. I need to know he won’t be coming for Addy ever again.
“What are you thinking so deeply about?” Alex’s deep voice startles me enough that I drop my book and completely lose my place. Not that I was making much headway; I’d been staring at the same page for a while now. Looking at the clock on the bedside table, I see it’s been too long, well over an hour.
“Nothing.” I pick up my book and set it aside to worry about later. Clearly, it wasn’t doing a great job of keeping my attention right now.
Alex tsks as he walks into my room, kicking the door closed behind him so smoothly that I can’t help the smile that tugs at my lips.
Sometimes I’m still shocked that this is my life. That these men want to give me their attention—they could have anyone, and at least for the moment, they’ve chosen me.
“Ah, that’s better.” He arches a brow at me with a smile I can’t call anything but panty-melting before he flops down on the bed beside me. “Those lips should never have anything but a smile on them.”
He reaches out and cups my cheek in his hand, and I can’t resist the urge to nuzzle into his warmth.
“Or my dick between them,” he says it like it’s an afterthought, but I can tell by the wicked smirk on his lips he was dying to say it.
I swat him in the chest with the back of my hand, making him chuckle as I roll my eyes, yet I can’t bring myself to pull away from him.
Alex is like a warm hug, and I’ll be damned if that's not exactly what I need right now.
My eyes fall closed as I breathe in his scent and allow myself to really just be here with him before I tell him to leave.
I really don’t want to, but I also really don’t want to make him deal with my nightmares the way I did with Desmond. It isn’t fair. He has work and other things to worry about; he needs his sleep, and I need not embarrass myself further.
Alex’s hand moves from my cheek to my neck and down my arm before he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into his chest.
I melt.
I know it’s not what I should do, but I can’t help it. I’d thought it felt like a warm hug before, but this, fuck, I love how safe and loved I feel when they hold me.
I’ve never felt like this before, didn’t even know it was possible.
“You need to stop blaming yourself.” I try to pull back, but his arm holds me tight to his chest as the other moves to pet my head like I’m a cat or something.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to deny it, but in the end, I can’t do it. With a sigh, I bury my head in his chest and just let myself have this moment.
Do I deserve it? No.
But damn it, I want it, want him, all of them really.
