“Nobody blames you for what happened, Kat. You need to stop blaming yourself.”
Desmond said the same thing, and Iknowthey don’t blame me, but they should.
I do.
Carter wanted me, still does, I’m sure. Which is why he sent Trevor to ‘watch’ me before. He had him break into my apartment, leave me creepy flowers with my panties on them—something I only just learned from Nathan—and then eventually try to make me go back to him by threatening Addy.
It would have worked, too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for that little girl. Which means I should leave to ensure this never happens again. It’s my job to keep her safe… but I promised I wouldn’t run.
And at the end of the day, if I’m being honest, I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave any of them. Being with them—Addy and the guys—feels so right.
“Carter never would have gone after Addy if not for my being with her. He used her to get to me. That makes it my fault, Alex.”
I can feel him shaking his head even before I’ve finished speaking, but I don’t dare look up at him.
“No, Carter coming after you is Carter’s fault. The only thing you're guilty of is having ass taste in men before us, but then again, everyone is in comparison.” Now I do pull back because what? He can’t be serious.
But he is. I look up to find him watching me, and while a smile pulls at his lips, it’s tight and nothing like his regular smile.
He leans in until his forehead is pressed to mine and lets out a huff.
“I’m serious, Kat, that wasn’t your fault. Carter is crazy and has had someone stalking you for him after he drove you away by cheating. He deserves every bad thing he gets in life, and I hope he gets a lot of them.”
I laugh; I can’t help it because I know he’s serious, and I’m not sure if that makes me a shit person, but I really hope he does too.
“I know, but I still feel bad. What if something had happened to Addy? I’m the reason she was in danger, Alex.” I hate the waymy voice wavers, but I can’t seem to bite back the emotions that threaten to choke me at just the thought.
“You’re the reason she’s okay. You took care of her, the way we all know you always will, the way a mother does. You put her above yourself, and while I hate the idea, I understand. We’re going to handle Carter, and Vincent is so upset about all of this, I doubt you’ll ever go anywhere without him again.” His words calm me, even if I feel bad at the idea of Vince always having to shadow us. I won’t deny it makes me feel better.
“Fine. I’ll try, okay?” It’s the best I can do, but it seems to be enough for him.
Alex rolls onto his back, pulling me with him so that I’m sprawled across his chest, my head resting just above his heart, his hand rubbing up and down my back in a way that has my eyes feeling like they're weighted down with lead.
“What are you doing?”
“Helping you get some rest. You look exhausted, Cherry.”
Crap, no, I can’t let him stay.
I push up from his chest but only make it about an inch before his arm tightens, holding me in place.
“Don’t even try it. I’m not Des. I won’t be leaving you alone, no matter what you say. Even if I leave, I’ll simply sit in the hall outside your door all night, and you don’t want that, do you?”
It takes me a second to realize he’s waiting for a reply. I shake my head, and once again, his hand rubs random soothing patterns on my back.
“Good, because I don’t want to have to do that. I probably wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow if I slept on that floor, but I would do it for you. I’d rather do that than let you go one more night alone, facing nightmares. So get some sleep and know I’ll be here.” I’m already half asleep, hardly holding on.
He’s so warm, and I feel so safe.
I want to be annoyed with Des—clearly he told Alex—but also, how can I be when this is the outcome?
No, I’m not mad. If anything, I might need to remember to thank him later.
“We’re all here, and we’re not going anywhere.” I feel his lips press to the top of my head before I fall into what I hope is a dreamless sleep.
We can all see it, the way what happened is weighing on Kat.
She blames herself, although she did nothing wrong. In fact, she did everything right. She did everything she could to keep Addy safe, not because it’s her job but because she loves her. I didn’t question it before, but if I had, that would have proved it.
