Peyton
It had been two weeks since I’d moved home. Two weeks of falling back into my normal pattern, my old life. It felt good to be home, but not as good as I hoped it would feel. Having my best friend back helped, and Jake was doing everything in his power to make the transition easier for me, but those things didn’t seem to matter as much as they once had. I missed home. I missed my mom. I missed Korbin.
Learning to ignore his calls and texts was becoming easier and easier. Multiple times Rem had told me just to change my number, but I couldn’t do it, not to him. Besides, he was the only real contact I had back in Eagle River, and I knew he’d be keeping in touch with my mom. If something happened to her and she couldn’t get ahold of me, he would have to.
“I’m worried about you, sis,” Rem said one night as we were about to start our weekly ritual of romantic comedies, wine, popcorn, and a shitload of sugar. He reached across the couch to take my hand with a gentle squeeze. “You haven’t been the same since you’ve been home.”
I raised my second glass of wine to my lips, only just then realizing how quickly I’d downed the first glass, and the movie hadn’t even started yet.
“Don’t be worried,” I said. “That’s silly. I’m fine.”
“I don’t think you are.” Rem continued to stare at me, those dramatic blue eyes seeping into my soul, ripping me open and splaying me vulnerable on the table. I took another drink of my wine, and then another.
“What do I have to be sad about?” I asked him. “My mother is in remission and I was able to move home. She had a close call, but she’s going to be okay. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that, Remington.”
Rem sighed and leaned forward to grab the remote, momentarily muting the volume on the TV. When he settled back into his spot to look at me, his eyes were sad. Knowing.
“I don’t think this is about Susan,” he said. “I think this is about someone else.”
“False.” Tearing my gaze away from him, I leaned forward and refilled my glass, taking a long drink before topping it off. Rem watched me do this silently, with no judgment, and that’s one of the reasons I loved him so. He never judged, only let me make the mistakes for myself. “This isn’t about anybody, Rem. I’m fine.”
“Korbin Butler,” Remington said, and just hearing his name come from my best friend’s mouth made me shiver. “You’re in love with the man you almost married. You always have been. Even before now, Peyton, when you refused to date somebody—anybody—for longer than a few months … you never stopped loving him. And moving home only confirmed this.”
I said nothing to this as his words seeped deep within my soul, filling every crevice of doubt or insecurity. I did love Korbin, but I didn’t love the way he treated me. I didn’t love how unsure he was of commitment. I didn’t love that after all these years, and after this second chance, he’d gone and done it again.
“I hate myself for loving him,” I said quietly, setting the wine glass aside as a tear squeezed from my eye and slid down my cheek. I wiped it away hastily, but soon after another followed, and then another.
“Oh, sugar,” Rem leaned forward on the couch and took me into his arms, rocking me, shushing me like a mother might comfort a newborn. “There is nothing hate-able about you,” he whispered, tucking my tear-stained hair back. “You are one of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, Peyton Blake, and you’re nothing but loveable. You don’t hate yourself. You hate him for making you love him.”
“I’m an idiot.” I pulled away from Rem and looked at the wall, wiping more tears from my face. “I was an idiot for ever agreeing to treat him as a patient. I should have walked out, should have come home. But I didn’t. Because I’m an idiot.”
“You didn’t because he didn’t let you,” said Rem softly. “He wriggled in, sparked up all those old memories, all those old feelings. It’s not your fault.”
“It is my fault,” I said. “It’s my fault that despite finding such a good, perfect man in Jake, I can’t commit to him because my heart is still with Korbin. That doesn’t make me good, Rem, it makes me horrible. What kind of woman turns down a man like Jake to be with a rugged, stupid firefighter?”
“Oh, erm, let’s see—how about any romantic comedy ever?” Rem said with a laugh, gently slapping my thigh. This brought a small chuckle from the bottom of my throat, and I forced myself to face him. He reached out and touched my face, brushing away the stray tears. “I think you should just give him a chance,” he said. “Jake, I mean. Time heals all wounds is what they say, Peyton. Give it time. Sooner or later the calls and texts will come slower, further apart. You’ll spend time with Jake, get to know him and what a wonderful man he could be for you. Your mother will get better and back to her own self. Things will fall into place, I promise. But right now it’s still new, still emotionally raw, and you’d be crazy if it wasn’t hurting you.”
“Oh, God, you’re right.” I slapped my hands over my face and shook my head, feeling the wine in my empty stomach swish around the empty space.
“Of course I’m right,” Rem said with a chuckle. “Besides, I know you better than that, Peyton. I know damn well that you are ready to get married. It’s one of your wildest fantasies. Believe me, I know.”
“I know,” I admitted with a small shrug. “I always imagined the perfect day, the perfect wedding, with the perfect guy. But that guy was always Korbin. Since the moment I met him and even now.”
“Fuck him,” said Rem. “Make that guy anyone you want. Make him Jake. Make him Tom Cruise. It doesn’t matter. Just—don’t make him Korbin.” He scooted forward on the couch until he was hugging me again, and for a moment we just sat there in the silence of the apartment as my best friend held me and I cried.
It felt good. And it seemed to be the start of what I needed.
Chapter21
Korbin
She looked great tonight, Amanda did, dressed in a silky black dress that was so short it teased the top of her thighs. She wore knee-high boots—hooker boots, as Paisley called them—and her lush blond hair fell about her shoulders, rolling seductively down her neck.
“You look—great,” I said, glancing down at my work jeans and mostly-clean button up flannel. “I feel like I underdressed.”
“You’re always handsome,” she said, stepping up to kiss me on the lips, catching me off guard. I smiled meekly but didn’t say anything, walking with Amanda into the restaurant she’d chosen for dinner. At my mother’s relentless insistence, I’d finally agreed to go on a date with Amanda, who had been calling and stopping by the station incessantly asking me if I wanted to go out for coffee. I’d finally just relented, hoping that the date would go to crap and she’d finally realize that I wasn’t worth the time or effort. However, by the time our date night came around it had gone from a casual coffee date to a higher-end restaurant dinner in Eagle River. How it got there I had no idea, but I hoped this date would end soon. I could be polite. That’s all I owed her.
“I’ve always wanted to come into this place, but never had the opportunity,” she said to me as the waiter sat us at a glass top table in the corner. “It’s lovely, isn’t it?”
