“Do I want to know where you’ve been?” I asked. Matt shook his head, popped the top from his bottle, and took a long swig.
“Probably not.”
“Were you with Renee?”
For a second, I was sure he was going to lie. But he didn’t. Instead, he pursed his lips and nodded his head, unable to look at me for some reason.
“I had to apologize,” he said. “I am the one who hurt her the most.”
“We all did,” I told him, and while I desperately wanted to ask him if he had sex with her, I resisted. It doesn't really matter, does it? She basically hates all of us. “Do you think she’ll hear my apology too?” I said instead.
“I don’t know, dude. I had to break down the door to get into the house. Jake sleeping?”
“I guess. After his little meeting with Carly, he went upstairs, and I haven’t seen him since.”
Matt sighed, finished off his beer, and then stood up. “He’s got the right idea. I am fucking exhausted. You good, man?”
“Yeah,” I mutter as Matt turns to climb the stairs to his bedroom. “I’m great.”
Once Matt is gone, I fish my cell phone out of my back pocket and unlock it, wondering if I should text Renee and see how she is. But I couldn't, mainly because I didn’t want to think too hard about whether or not Renee and Matt fucked right before he came home.
Sighing, I clicked off the TV and trekked up to my bedroom. I felt emotionally exhausted, like I’d been fighting a battle I knew couldn't be won. And as I fall asleep that night, tossing and turning, images of Renee poison my mind.
There’s no escaping it. There’s no escapingher.
I woke up early the following day to hit the gym. On my way to campus, I made a pit stop at the local coffee shop and took a detour to Renee’s house. Considering it was early Saturday morning, I assumed Renee would still be sleeping, but I caught a glimpse of her through the kitchen window as I walked up to the front door and knocked softly. I didn’t see Carly’s vehicle anywhere, but Jami’s car was there. She must still be asleep.
“Aaron?” Renee said as she opened the front door. “What are you doing here?” Her gaze falls to the Styrofoam cups containing lattes I have in each hand.
“Coffee?” I asked, hoping she didn’t slam the door in my face.
“Oh, I, um, sure.” Renee smiled, then stepped aside so I could cross the threshold.
Bingo.
“Here.” I handed her one of the caramel macchiatos and kept a hold of my own drink. Renee grinned and cradled the cup between her hands, inhaling the fragrance coming from the slit in the top of the plastic.
“Thank you,” she said. “This is really sweet. I can’t remember the last time someone brought me coffee.”
“Yeah, well, I know you’ve been having a hard time, and ...” I trailed off, trying to find the right words to say so I wouldn’t offend her and get kicked to the curb.
“Aaron.” She interrupted me with a soft smile before I made a complete fool of myself. “It was okay. I deserved what you guys did.”
I flinched when she said, ‘you guys,’ shaking my head. “Ren, I disagreed with their decision, okay? I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I know. But like I said, I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“It certainly made me take a long, hard look at how much I’d screwed you all over,” she admits, taking another sip of coffee. “It wasn’t right. You all have every right to be angry with me. So does Carly, for that matter.”
“I was not angry with you.” I set my own cup down on Renee’s coffee table and reached out to gently touch her cheek. Her skin burned hot under my fingers, and I had to fight the urge to push her up against the wall and kiss her hard. “We weren’t dating. We weren’t exclusive. You could be with whoever you wanted.”
“I didn’t know what I wanted, Aaron, and that’s exactly the problem.” Renee pulls away from me and walks to the kitchen. After a moment, I followed her and found her sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands.
“Renee, don’t cry.” I slid into the chair beside her, reaching out to pull her against me. Silent tears streamed down her face, and she sniffed and shook her head, wiping the tears away as though she could pretend they weren’t there, to begin with. Watching her cry devastated me, but I didn’t know what to say to make things better. Nothing is better, not for any of us.
“I was so lost,” she sighed. “Honestly, Aaron, I was so taken with all of you. With you and Jake and Matt, too. And I didn’t know what to do about that.”
