A few minutes later, my phone lit up again.
Did u and Jeremy make up?
I closed my eyes and nibbled my bottom lip until the copper tang of blood touched my tongue. I wondered if he was at home right now with Julia curled up in the curve of his arm while he texted the woman who had tried to seduce him mere nights ago. She would have no idea. I’d be the homewrecker this time around. So much for keeping things professional.
Fuck.
No,I typed back.We broke up.
I stared at my response, my finger hovering over the send button. I couldn’t do this now, not after what had happened in the parking lot. I couldn’t have this conversation, not with him, my boss. It didn’t matter how handsome he was or how much my body lit up and reacted to his touch. It didn’t matter, because I worked for him, and he had a girlfriend. That was bigger than everything. He had a girlfriend, and I was not this person. I loved my job and devoted my entire life to making it onto the squad and, preferably, staying there for a long time.
I hit delete on my response and tucked the phone away where I couldn’t see it anymore. A twinge of pain vibrated in my throat, but I ignored the sting of tears against my eyeballs. This was for the best, even if we both hated it.
I put my empty glass of wine on the coffee table and pushed it away. Then I huddled down on the couch and closed my eyes to see if I could catch some shut eye despite the restlessness in my limbs and joints. My thoughts worked overtime, head swimming with what ifs and why not’s.
If I couldn’t take the hint, maybe he could. It would save us both the heartache.
Chapter32
Hansen
I could barely drag myself out of bed on Tuesday morning for my next shift. Julia had been awake for hours primping in the bathroom and making breakfast noisily in the kitchen. She smiled at me as soon as I dressed and came out to join her, one plate of bacon, eggs, and toast hovering in her hand.
“Good morning, my restless sweetheart,” she said and stood on her tiptoes to kiss me. “Sit down and eat, or you’ll be late for work. How’d you sleep?”
“About as good as the night before,” I said, chewing dry toast. “And the night before that.”
“I know it’s hard,” she sympathized. “Tanner is close to all of you. I couldn’t imagine having to go through that with him.”
I nodded but said nothing. While the ongoing investigation into Tanner’s house fire had been on my mind often, it wasn’t the only thing keeping me awake at night. It wasn’t even the main thing.
“I don’t know if I’ll have time to get into the station to see you tomorrow.” Julia whipped her long red hair into a ponytail at the nape of her neck and smiled. She had a beautiful smile, one of the things I’d always loved about her. But so did Paisley, and only Paisley’s smile made my knees weak. “We’ve been busy in our department.”
“It’s okay. We’ve been busy too.”
Julia looked at me then, and for a split second, I saw something in her eyes that I couldn’t place, doubt, maybe. Annoyance.
“How is that friend of yours? Paisley?”
“Paisley is fine.” Julia seemed to notice her name caught slightly in my throat. Her green eyes searched my face, digging for the secret I thought I had buried down far enough, but apparently not. She opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again. Relief blended with hurt rose in my throat. I hated this. I couldn’t do it much longer, not to the woman I had once loved. Besides, she was onto me. I could tell that much in all the years we’d spent together. And Julia was like a hound with the scent of bloodstained clothing; she’d figure it out on her own if she had to, and that’s the last thing either of us would want.
“I have to go.” Running a hand through my hair, I shrugged on my jacket and grabbed my bag, kissing Julia goodbye as I raced out the door, anxious to be free of the tense atmosphere that had suddenly fallen over the kitchen like an oppressive cloud of dread.
Things were quiet when I walked into the station, which was almost always bad news. Quiet meant something terrible was in the air, the calm before the storm. A few of my guys were helping themselves to a pot of coffee, and the rest were doing checks in the ambulance bay. I grabbed a cup of joe and tossed my bag into the office before heading back to the kitchen to do some paperwork. This time, Paisley was standing on her tiptoes in front of the message board, brown hair falling into her eyes. My fingers twitched as the urge to reach out and tuck her hair behind one ear overcame me.
“What’s going on?” I approached her from behind, catching sight of the paper she was pinning on the bulletin board. She turned to look at me, cheeks flaring, and I squinted at the paper.
“Roommate wanted,” I read. “Nice two-bedroom apartment near the University. Contact Paisley Hill for details.” Below that, her phone number was written neatly below the ad. I turned my attention back to Paisley and raised an eyebrow.
“Jeremy and I—we broke up.” She looked down as she spoke, scuffing the floor with the toe of her boot. A warm flush had risen to her cheeks, and her eyes looked everywhere but at me.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, resisting the urge to mention that she could have told me that last night when I’d texted it. I’d stared at my phone for two hours before realizing that she wouldn’t respond to my inquiry last night.
“I’m sorry to say it.” She shrugged and glanced at the hanging paper, still avoiding me. “I hung a few up around campus, too, here and there. I just figured maybe one of the guys here knows of someone looking for a place.”
I nodded, unsure of what else to say so I could keep this professional. The incident with Paisley from the other night was still firmly planted in my mind. Every time I saw her around, she looked embarrassed and shameful, which only made me feel worse. Little did she know that I wasn’t feeling much more confident than she was about the whole thing, although it didn’t stop me from wanting to kiss her, hold her, touch her.
“Well, good luck,” I said. “And sorry again. That—that really sucks.”
