Only, I can’t get my arms around her and where I can usually tuck her head into my neck and rest my chin on her, my face hits her chest?
I look up and my gaze clashes with Jude’s, not Elle’s, and I swear I can see amusement dancing in his eyes but his expression is one of pure murder.
“I’m so sorry.” I let my arms drop to my side and take a step back, my ears burning with embarrassment. “Yeah, you already said that.” There’s no hint of humor in Lola’s voice as she steps out from behind Jude and walks into my apartment. “I refuse to accept any apologies until you tell me why you won’t answer anyone’s calls? Are you really that mad?” Lola’s hands are fisted at her waist, staring me down as Jude finally crosses the threshold and shuts the door behind him.
“I only want to talk to Elle right now.”
“Elle lost her phone when she fell, that’s why we’ve been trying to reach you.”
“What? Why didn’t you text me or leave me a message?”
“Would you have read it?”
She has a point there, I would have seen it wasn’t from Elle and disregarded it. Wait a minute, what did she say?
“She fell? Did that asshole hurt her?” The accusation is clear in my voice and though I don’t mean to point my anger at either of them, my vision is going red at the thought of the sleazeball using physical force on Elle.
“No, you donut. She fell into a gopher hole while trying to chase after your chicken shit ass.” I think that’s the longestsentence I’ve ever heard Jude speak and I’m momentarily speechless.
I probably look like a fish as my mouth gapes open and closes repeatedly, too many questions running through my mind.
Did she break anything?
She was chasing after me?
Where is she now?
“Where is she?” My heart starts doing double time as my gaze ping pongs between Lola and Jude. “I need to go to her!” I tug at my hair, prepared to yank it out at the root if only to feel what has to be a fraction of the pain she must be feeling right now. “Calm down, she’s at the hospital.” Lola places her hands on my shoulder and gives me a soft shake, slightly pulling me out of my panic. “There’s nothing that you can do right now, Paul or Mabel will let me know when there is an update. Right now, the best thing to do is let Elle get the care she needs.”
No, I don’t accept that.
I can’t accept that.
How can she ask me to just sit here when Elle is hurting? She’s hurting because of me! “I need you to let me go.” I don’t recognize my voice but the demand must have come from me because both Lola and Jude shake their heads. “No, you need to sit down.” Jude’s voice is deep and commanding and leaves no room for argument.
“Come on. I can tell you what I know and hopefully we’ll have an update soon.” Lola steers my body to my couch, her touch is gentle but firm and suddenly, all the fight in me disappears. My nose burns with shame that I let Elle get hurt because I couldn’t face the situation in front of me.
“I know—IknowElle would never kiss that pig without being forced. I should have stayed and stopped him.” My vision blurs, I’m so angry with myself. I should have been there for her. Lolatries to calm me down with soft words but I refuse to hear it. “Please, tell me what happened.”
Chapter Sixty-One
ELLE
They keep asking me where it hurts but they are only looking at my ankle. I don’t know how to explain that I barely feel anything besides my heart. What started as a crack down the middle has quickly broken off and started splintering, pieces fracturing and falling into the darkness. My body reacts when they poke and prod and they take me back for an x-ray but now I’m playing the waiting game with Paul and Mabel. They bounce back and forth from whispering to each other and trying to make me engage in conversation —but it's all fluff—and I refuse to respond to anything.
There’s a soft knock on the door to my room and the doctor who’s been taking care of me walks in. “Well, nothing’s broken but you do have a nasty sprain.” I start to zone out when he pulls out copies of my x-rays and goes over my recovery plan. “If you don’t have any questions, a nurse will be in shortly to get you set up with a brace and you’ll be good to go home.” Once I confirm I have no questions, he nods and leaves the room.
Fucking finally.
I just want to go home and go to sleep. I want Patrick but I know he’ll never want to see me again.
I’m on auto-pilot as the nurse comes in and gets me set up with my brace and goes over my discharge instructions. Mabel takes the papers for me after an awkward pause when the nurse tries to hand them to me and I just blink at her.
“Paul, why don’t you go pull the car up and I’ll help Elle change.” Mabel asks, stuffing my paperwork into the bag that she brought stuffed full of what I’m assuming is every article of clothing that I own that could be considered comfy. Once Paul leaves the room, she starts pulling out options but I feel too raw to try and think, instead I grab the first pair of pants—black wide leg leggings—and an oversized t-shirt from a 5K Warren Farms had sponsored years ago. It’s old, holes scattered around the collar.
I want to refuse any help once I’ve exited my hospital room but the brace is too bulky and awkward for me to waddle my way in front of who knows how many strangers. I grit my teeth as a different nurse walks up to me with a wheelchair. Embarrassment mixes with the overwhelming sadness.
No one wants to have to push the fat girl around in a wheelchair.
