Chapter Four
After school, the driveto Seth’s felt longer than usual, even though it wasn’t.
My hands tightened on the steering wheel as the hum of the engine filled the silence.Normally, I’d put music on without thinking.Anything to fill the gaps, to push back the noise in my head.But tonight, the radio stayed off.
The silence pressed down too heavy and sharp.It reminded me too much of when I used to sit in the music room at my old house, Lindie locking the door behind me, demanding music.Back then, silence was the enemy.Now, it felt like a punishment I was giving myself.
Streetlights flicked across the hood of my car, shadows moving in staccato bursts across the windshield.My mind followed the rhythm automatically, like a song trying to write itself in the quiet.But instead of melody, all I heard was the echo of Paxon’s voice.
I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it.So much time with distance between us, only for him to suddenly sit across from me and insist he’d tutor me like it was nothing.But it wasn’t nothing.Not for me.
The pit in my stomach twisted tighter with every turn, every mile.By the time my neighborhood came into view, my chest felt like it was splintering apart, off-key and unresolved.
My house came up first, and I was tempted to just turn right into my driveway, hide my car in the garage and sit in the darkness of the house, pretending no one was home.It’d be so easy, preferred at the moment.
But it wasn’t me who was running away.Shittily at that.And I wasn’t going to be that person either.I had nothing to run away from.Seth told me I hadn’t done anything wrong.I needed to believe in that.
So I drove past my driveway and pulled into Seth’s instead, parking next to Paxon’s car.I turned off my car.As it settled, I sat in the stillness, staring at the familiar two-story house that had managed to become my second home.I stayed there for a moment, hands still on the wheel, staring at the building.
I closed my eyes, drew in a deep breath, and told myself to move.Paxon was waiting.
My limbs felt like they were made of lead as I forced myself out of the car.The cold air hit me first, then the small crunch of gravel under my shoes.By the time I reached the front door, my heartbeat had steadied enough.
My feet dragged as I managed to go inside the warm house.The door clicked shut behind me.
Almost immediately, I heard the familiar thump-thump-thump of a heavy tail on hardwood.Bebe padded into the entryway, his massive frame nearly filling the space.
“Hey, boy,” I whispered, crouching before he could barrel into me.He leaned his full weight against my chest anyway, all muscle and heat, nearly knocking me back into the wall.
He was overwhelming in the best way.
I buried my fingers in the short fur around his neck, letting the simple, steady rhythm of his breathing calm the storm that had been building in my chest since lunch.He huffed, a deep rumble vibrating against my palms, then swiped his tongue across my cheek before pulling back to study me with those dark, knowing eyes.
“You already know I’m a mess, don’t you?”I muttered, scratching behind his ear.
His tail thumped harder, hitting the wall with a dull rhythm.
I smiled despite myself.“Don’t tell anyone.”
For a moment, the tension in my chest eased.For a moment, it was just me and Bebe.No heavy silences, no grey eyes, no tutoring sessions I didn’t want but couldn’t escape.
Then footsteps creaked from deeper in the house, pulling me back into reality.Voices carried faintly from the kitchen, low and indistinct.My stomach tightened again.
I pressed one last kiss to the top of Bebe’s head and stood.“All right, wish me luck.”
He gave a sharp bark, protective, as if he knew exactly what I was about to face.He’d always been too in tune with my emotions.
I squared my shoulders and followed the sound of the voices to the kitchen and toward Paxon.
