I imagine he’s sayingnot this time,but he just doesn’t out loud. Wait—when did I decide I wanted to be fucked by Ren Ho?! When he started being nice to me? He’s always been nice. So… what’s happening right now?
“What do you think?” Ren asks.
“You’ll be there?” I ask.
“I will. You’ll be completely safe. I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Fuck, the way his words make me feel all warm and… And… Wanted. I need to get a grip on myself. That’s not what he’s promising.
“Okay. Yes. I want that.”
“There will be condoms. You won’t be tied down for this. No… CNC play, okay?”
I flinch. Fuck, he must think I’m out of my mind. Nodding wildly, I whisper, “Yes.”
“Do you have any hard limits? Anything you don’t like?”
“I don’t like degradation,” I say. It’s far too close to my life already. Being told every day that I’m shit is enough. I don’t need it during sex too.
“No degradation.”
Feeling my skin burn, I add, “No mean comments at all. Even if they think I’m ugly or hate my dick or anything.”
Ren doesn’t speak right away. My mind whirls with knowing he must think I’m a real piece of work.
“Of course not,” Ren promises. “No one will ever insult you in my presence unless they want their teeth knocked out.”
Nope. I don’t get a thrill at the tone of his voice or the threat to protect me. No. Nope. Nuh uh.
“Be at my house on the twenty-third at eleven. With your mask.”
“I don’t have one that covers my eyes.”
“I’ll take care of that. Are you sure you want to do this?”
Nodding, I grip my cock in my pants. I’m ready right now! “Yes. I really, really do.”
“Then I’ll make it happen. Go to sleep, Felton.”
Chills race over my body as I drop back onto my bed. Oh god, is this really happening? And… why am I disappointed Ren isn’t going to fuck me too?
ELEVEN
REN
“This is fucking weird,”Denny comments as he pulls his shirt over his head. “I can’t believe we agreed to this.”
Honestly, I was a little surprised too when I suggested it to the four of them and—while they were surprised and a little reluctant—they agreed in the end. Without examining it too closely, I think we’re all a little curious whether the one guy we fucked was a fluke or not.
Carson was probably the most… well, not eager exactly. He had the least amount of hesitancy. Denny and Zenia have the added conflict of Felton being a teammate, never mind a guy. Kroy was convinced that I was joking forat leastforty minutes. But when he eventually caught on that I was being serious, he just shrugged and said he’s down with whatever we wanted to do.
I walked a fine line on how much I told them, being careful not to break Felton’s trust in me, but also trying to make them understand that this isn’t only something Felton wants to experience, but in some way, it’s for his mental peace.
From everything I gleaned by talking to Felton about why he opened the accounts to begin with, I’ve come to severalconclusions. It’s not just a platform for him to get off. I almost think that’s secondary to what he’s really getting out of it. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of Felton’s content was solo. He spent an exorbitant amount of time choosing someone that he was willing to have sex with on camera.
There’s this stigma in the world that sex workers should feel ashamed. With as sensitive as Felton is to outside opinion, I’ve been surprised that this hasn’t bothered him. But I think that’s because he doesn’t think of it as sex work.
Work is hockey. Creating sex videos brings him peace. For Felton, there’s peace in the content he created, so much of which wasn’t just derived from getting off but the environment he created around it. It was the single place in his world that he just felt good. Good about himself. Good about what he was doing. Good about the people he shared that corner of his world with. The world didn’t touch him there.
