“Get out,” I whispered, voice trembling.“I can’t even talk to you right now.I don’t know what you want from me.But I have very little to give you now.You’ve left me hanging for months, and you think it’s okay to come here now asking me how”—I flicked my fingers between us—“you can make things better between us?Leave.That’s how.”
“Cadence—”
“You once asked me for space so you can figure things out.That was months ago, and I gave it to you.And now, I’m asking you to give me space.Now leave.”
The silence that followed was deafening.
Paxon opened his mouth, but no words came out.His grey eyes I used to love were now dull and uncertain, full of things that felt too late to say.
When he finally turned the handle and stepped outside, I didn’t stop him.I couldn’t.
The door clicked shut, and the sound echoed through the house like a verdict.
I stood there long after he was gone, my hands trembling, my breath ragged, waiting for the sound of his footsteps to fade completely.Once I knew he was gone gone, I allowed myself to cry.
Chapter Seventeen
The drive to my dad’srental house wound through the forest.Spring was finally winning its slow battle with winter.For once, the sky was a clear, brilliant blue, and the sunlight filtered through the bare branches on the trees lining both sides of the street.Everything looked freshly thawed, the last of the snow melting away.The air was bright with the first real promise of warmth.I had even opted out of wearing my jacket.
It should have felt hopeful and it almost did.But even under the cheerful weather, I was hollowed out from the conversation with Paxon.When he left, he had taken something from me, and I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to get it back.I wasn’t sure if I wanted it back either.I was a new kind of tired that I wasn’t quite used to.It wasn’t about waiting for the next time Lindie got drunk or wanted to take her anger out on me.It wasn’t about waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It was more like the exhaustion that came after holding my breath for too long.The danger had passed, but my body hadn’t realized it yet.Like I should be feeling maybe relief now that I’d talked with Paxon and was able to share my feelings.But instead, all I felt was the ache of everything that I had locked inside while I gave him the space he requested.Like I was finally acknowledging what his space had cost me.
By the time I pulled into the small driveway, the sky was darkening.Warm light spilled from the kitchen window, and the faint scent of garlic drifted through the cracked door.
Dad met me there before I even had a chance to knock.
“Cadence,” he said.His light brown hair was a little messier than usual and his sleeves were rolled to his elbows.He looked tired, but his presence was still steady, comfortable in that way where the world could be chaos but he’d find a way to sort it out like a dad should.
“Hi, Dad,” I managed.My throat felt tight.“Sorry for running a little late.”
“Is everything okay?”His honey-colored eyes studied me, concern filtering through his calm demeanor.“You look like you need food.Good thing I made a lot tonight.”
I tried to smile.“You always make a lot.”And sent everything home with me after our weekly dinners.
“Force of habit.Sit down before it gets too cold.”He stepped aside and let me inside.
