The way he said that last part didn’t sit right with me, and I tried to ignore the weird curling sensation in my stomach.
Justin frowned, glancing between the two of them.“Oregon?”
Lucas nodded.“Yeah, it’s a special program for seniors.Real big deal with insane connections.Paxon will get some good practical experience for his first year of college.”He turned back to Paxon still grinning, dark eyes shining.“Anyways, congrats, man.You deserve it.”
He clapped Paxon on the shoulder and jogged off, completely unaware of the small earthquake he’d just caused.
The gym suddenly felt too big, the sound of the bouncing volleyballs echoing sharp against the walls.
I stared at the back of Paxon’s head, but he suddenly started having trouble with his shoelaces and needed to aggressively redo them.
Justin broke the silence, still practically gaping at Paxon.“You’re thinking of going across the country?”
“It’s not—” Paxon stopped.“It’s not decided.It’s just a recommendation.”
Justin waved toward Lucas, who was now jumping on another guy and laughing about something as they goofed off.“That’s not nothing,” Justin said quietly.
Paxon didn’t respond.His jaw was tight, shoulders tense, like he could feel me watching him.
I swallowed hard and forced myself to look away, instead focusing on the gym teacher walking in at the far side of the gym.My stomach felt hollow, like I’d swallowed a handful of air and it refused to settle.
Oregon.
Far away from here.From us.
He’d always said he wanted to stay close.Not just because everyone else was, but also for his brother too and to support his dad.
Maybe he’d changed his mind.
MaybeIhad changed his mind.
“All right, everyone, line up!”Coach Stolly’s voice echoed across the gym.
I stood, my body moving automatically while my head stayed somewhere else entirely.The air felt thick, my heartbeat thudding against my ribs.
When Paxon lined up a few people away, I didn’t look at him.I couldn’t.
This wasn’t even completely about him not telling me about it.I would expect that considering we were practically nothing to each other at the moment other than people forced to be in close proximity to each other.What was most damning about the news was that Justin hadn’t known either.
It was one thing to hide it from me.But it felt like something else entirely if he hadn’t told anyone else about it.Did his dad know?Did Calvin know?
Why was he trying to keep it a secret from everyone?
Thankfully, after gym class, school was over.So while I couldn’t stop thinking about it and Oregon became the beat to a song I didn’t want to hear, I didn’t have to fight through school thinking about it.As soon as class was over and I separated from Paxon and Justin, I changed quickly in the locker rooms and then beelined for my car.
I had to keep telling myself it wasn’t my place to ask.Paxon hadn’t said anything to me directly and if he wanted to keep it quiet, that was his choice.Still, I couldn’t help feeling like that ground had shifted under us.
As far as everyone knew, we were still going to be near each other.Not necessarily in the same college, but at least in the same state, or only a few hours away...not on the other side of the country.And Paxon had been one of the biggest advocates for it, wanting to stay close, go to college in-state.Now there was a version of the future where he was gone, and it was one I hadn’t prepared for.
Everyone had been so insistent about being nearby that it had made it so easy to believe that.That no one was going to be gone.I allowed myself to believe that.They made me believe them.
By the time I reached Seth’s house, my thoughts were tangled enough that I barely remembered the drive over.The sky matched my mood with the washed-out grey.
Seth was sitting on the porch steps, elbows on his knees, a bottle of soda dangling loosely from his fingers.
Bebe was stretched out beside him, a lazy guardian keeping watch over the street.When I stepped out of the car, Bebe’s head lifted immediately, tail thumping once against the wood.
“Hey,” Seth called, straightening a little.“A little earlier than I thought.”
