Chapter Twenty-Four
~Paxon’s POV~
Ilied to Cadence.Not knowing what to think about how I felt.I knew exactly how I felt.
Jealous.Angry.
I wanted to rip her away from the others and only keep her with me.
But I also knew the deal.
I just hated feeling like I wasn’t enough for her, that I was incapable of giving her everything she needed and so she felt like she had to get it elsewhere.
I hated this whole thing and that scared the crap out of me.I didn’t know what to do.What to think.
“How was your date?”Dad’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts the second I stepped inside.He was in the living room with Calvin curled asleep next to him, his head on Dad’s lap.
“Fun,” I said, kicking off my boots with a little too much force.
After I got my coat off and hung it up, I looked over at Dad only to find him simply staring at me.Shit.He knew something was up.He always knew and he was doing that therapist thing he did where he pretended he couldn’t read my mind while reading my mind and knowing I was trying to bullshit my way out of the situation.
“How much do you know?”I finally asked.
He raised an eyebrow.“You mean how you’re dating Cadence.And maybe the others are too?”He shrugged.“Not much.”
Shit.
I groaned and wanted so badly to run to my room and hide there, but I knew better.Dad would never let me do that.I threw myself onto the chair, my leg hanging over the armrest.
“You know I won’t tell you what to do.I’d never do that,” Dad said.
“I know,” I replied.
There was a pause.Heavy with things unsaid but that needed to be voiced.But Dad was leaving me to fill that space with my own thoughts.
“I-I just don’t know what I’m doing,” I said.
Dad hummed and ran his hand soothingly along Calvin’s back.“You sure about that?”
I scowled.“Yes.”
And then thought about it more.
“No.I don’t know.”I rubbed my hands over my face.“It’s Cadence.It’s...She....”I had to stop so I could collect my thoughts, taking in a breath and releasing it so my mind could catch up with what I wanted to say.It was a trick Dad taught me a long time ago when I was freaking out about my first ever soccer game.“Cadence means a lot to me.And so does everyone else.We have a good thing going and I don’t want to ruin that.I don’t want to lose any of them.But I don’t feel...I don’t know.It feels like I’m not enough.”
“It’s not a bad thing to want to be enough for someone.”His eyes softened.“But is this about you or about her?”
I glanced away from him, unable to respond because I already knew the answer.
My first instinct was to say her, to insist that this was about Cadence, about how she was the one choosing to be with others, how she was the one making me feel like I wasn’t enough.
But that wasn’t true, was it?
It was me.
