She passes us two cups of ice water, and I down mine, letting an ice cube slide between my lips to rest on my tongue. The cold ice helps me relax even more. Thomas keeps his palm on my thigh, and this time, I try to listen more when she explains what the next few weeks will be like, how we will more than likely have to testify in court when the time comes, and what they need from us.
Neither Thomas nor I bring up our engagement.Though, I suppose in her eyes, it was never fake, so continuing it would only be logical.
Twenty minutes later, we both have our phones again, and we’re walking out of the police station. Thomas opens the passenger door of the vehicle for me, closing it behind me when I’m in. He opens the back door for Arson who hops up and licks my face, similar to the first time I was in this car. All the similarities are sinking in, only this time, we aren’t going to be ending up at a safe house together. I’ll be back at my small apartment. Alone.
Thomas gets into the car and we leave the police station. With every passing second, I feel more and more like I’m about to burst into tears. I can’t stand to look at him, because I know if I do, I will lose it.
I’ve fallen for this man, and I don’t know if he will want to keep me. Once he sees who I am outside of the bubble we have been in, will he still like who I am in real life? Was it only due to convenience that he kept me as close as he has?
The evil voice in my head is telling me so, even though he’s done nothing but protect, care, and… love me for who I am.
I look out the window at our small town, quiet at this time of night, and try to rationalize with myself. Thomas likes me for me. He’s said that time and time again, so why can’t I tell my brain to shut up and believe him?
He pulls into my apartment complex, and I grab my backpack at my feet, climbing out of the car before he can open the door for me. I open the back door, leaning in to give Arson some love. He won’t be sleeping at my feet tonight, and leaving him behind might hurt most of all.
I wrap my arms around his soft fur, hugging him close. “Bye, buddy,” I whisper. “Thanks for keeping me safe.” Arson nuzzles in close, licking my cheek again.
When I pull away, I have to wipe tears from my cheeks. I shut the door, leaving him in the still-running vehicle. Thomas won’t be gone long, so he will be fine for a few minutes. Thomas has grabbed my other bags from the trunk, leaving only my pillow and blankets. I grab them, and we head to the front door. I unlock the lobby door with my key, silently walking down the hall to my apartment.
When I reach my door, I unlock it and swing the door open, revealing my apartment. Nothing has changed in the time I’ve been gone. The mail I got that day is still sitting on the countertop, my throw blanket still strewn on the couch. My apartment has been frozen in time for six weeks.
I walk down the short hallway to my bedroom, throwing my backpack, pillows and blanket onto the bed. Thomas follows, setting the bags he’s carrying onto the floor. We haven’t said more than three words to each other in the last twenty minutes. I don’t even know what I would say.
Thomas is the one to break the silence first. “Do—do you want me to stay?”
I’m shaking my head before my heart even has time to process. My heart wants to say yes, of course it does, but my brain is saying no. “No, I should get some sleep,” I say, as if that isn’t what he would want to do here.
“Hannah,” he breathes my name, stepping up to me. His hand slides around my neck, the other tilting my chin so I’m forced to look at him. “Can I stay? I want to be close to you tonight.”
“I’ll be fine,” I say, but even I can taste the lie as it leaves my lips.
“That’s not what I asked,” he mutters, squeezing his eyes shut. “Freckles, I can’t stand the thought of not sleeping by your side tonight.”
I rest my head on his chest. I have to do this. “I… I think some time apart would be best.”
“Time apart?” he questions, pain seeping into his voice.
“Not a lot. I don’t think we need to be together all the time. Sleeping apart might be good for us,” I explain. I don’t look at him, because I know I’ll break. I’ll tell him to stay and never leave my side. “We spent six weeks together. With each other nearly every moment of the day. Don’t you think a break is good?”
“No,” he says, voice cracking. “I don’t. Don’t pull away from me, baby.”
“I’m not,” I try to say, but Thomas pulls my face from his chest to look him in the eyes. His beautiful blue eyes are filled with tears.
“I don’t want this to end, Hannah.”
“It’s not ending,” I say. “I want to sleep alone in my bed tonight, is that so bad?”
Thomas looks up at the ceiling, swallowing harshly. “You promise you aren’t pulling away?”
I shake my head. Can I really make that promise? I don’t want to pull away, but yet aren’t I doing exactly that?” “I promise.”
“I will give you some space, but Hannah, trust me when I say I am all in with you. I don’t want to leave tonight, but if that’s what you want, then I will.”
“I think a night or two apart is good, Thomas.”
“I disagree, but okay,” he concedes. “Do you need anything before I go?”
I shake my head, willing myself to keep it together for a few more minutes.
