“If they survive me, they turn out to be better cops, so let them squirm.” I waved, got up, and began to gather my collection of archangel feathers. “Thank you for your contribution to my dating fund, Sariel.”
The archangel laughed. “AsHedid not tell me I could not, I will even authenticate your feathers to maximize your reward for having landed yet another surprise attack upon me.”
“It’s nice to see angels aren’t assholes all the time,” I replied.
“It keeps you mortals on your toes.”
ChapterEleven
It took allof twenty seconds to clue in on Bailey’s behavior when I caught a glimpse of the cadet with Sam in the hall. A rather nervous and fidgety Alec Mortan, who did justice to his cadet’s uniform, pattered down the hall. Judging from his posture and the wringing of his hands, he’d enter orbit if I subjected him to the foghorn. To prevent an incident, I put the foghorn back in my desk and decided to kick back and relax in my chair, propping my sock-covered feet on my desk.
I waited for my boss to enter my office before raising a brow and saying, “I understand why you would want to put a bow on him now. Thank you for not humiliating him.”
Chief Samuel Quinn revealed a red bow from his pocket, which had seen better days. “This was the only one I could find, and he was already nervous enough. I haven’t let him take the practical test for investigating financials yet.”
“The one test I’m guaranteed to pass, and he is making me wait to take it,” Alec complained.
I chuckled. “You’ll appreciate that after you go through the rest of the gauntlet. Have you been given the speech on the precinct rules?”
“For some reason, most of the speech involves appropriate fraternization among officers. Otherwise, I’ve been told I shouldn’t steal Chief Quinn’s coffee.”
“Which Chief Quinn?”
“Both of them,” he replied with laughter in his voice. “I even got a mug with my name on it to make it clear how the coffee works here.”
Once the customized travel mugs were brought out, the hiring was as good as finalized, and as a general rule, cadets didn’t get their own mugs until they’d done a few weeks of work—and had survived at least one patrol with me.
After what he’d been through, I couldn’t blame either of my chiefs for laying off and giving him his mug early. “You better have secured an agreement from Chief Bailey to make you some of her coffee in that cup.”
“He gets ten because she yanked him out of the academy early. We’re losing another one to your wicked ways,” Samuel complained.
“I’m not the one being wicked,” I reminded him. “I just refuse to take my clothes off for the packs of incubi Lucifer keeps sending over. It’s not my fault people talk to me, and the wise men and women of this precinct inform me when they wish to have a child and would not mind if an incubus assisted them with their problems. Otherwise, fertility clinics are expensive. I’m helping as I was helped, if you please.” I paused, shrugged, and added, “Even if you don’t please, honestly.”
“That’s what I figured. It’s fine, except we really don’t have enough cops or cadets to handle the surge of pregnancies around here. Please stop helping everyone get pregnant. Please. I’ll remind people to ask me if they need help on that front.”
“I’m more approachable, I have the contacts, and the incubi like playing board games on my breaks. You’ll break so many hearts if you ban them from the precinct. Look on the bright side; it’s never been easier to get small favors from Lucifer and his demons. All you have to do is give them a board game with me for half the shit we need them for.”
“I hate how true that is. Alec, she’s all yours. She needs coffee every hour and a half or the beast emerges, and not even Lucifer is willing to tango with the beast when she hasn’t had her coffee. If the beast starts foaming at the mouth, swing by my office for a packet of pixie dust. Fortunately, she doesn’t froth often, but you know it’s bad when the frothing starts. Honestly, you’re here to learn and be her gopher. If you survive that, you’ll be set. I’ll leave you two to get reacquainted. Oh, and McMarin?”
“Sir?” I asked.
“I just got tossed a murder case with a financial file about ten miles thick. Please make use of your new cadet and find out if the suspect would have just cause for murder based on the vic’s financials.”
Ah. Everything became clear. “Let me guess. You received this file approximately twenty minutes before you plucked this specific cadet from the academy.”
Samuel snickered and waved his hand. “While that may have happened, I refuse to admit it. Just wait until you see the body.”
I hated seeing the bodies, but it was an important part of my job. “What’s so special about the body?”
“Death by goldfish,” my chief answered before leaving my office.
“Death by goldfish? What the fuck is death by goldfish?” I blurted.
“I don’t know, but I’m afraid to find out,” Alec admitted.
I neededto brush up on animal abuse laws and find out if goldfish were protected by any of the acts barring animal cruelty. The goldfish, which numbered in at fifty-two with possibly more crammed deeper in the corpse, deserved a better end at the very least. Until I learned more about the victim, a middle-aged white male, I would reserve judgement about if he’d deserved his fate.
The goldfish, ranging in size from a quarter up to a ten pound monster that had been forcefully shoved where the sun refused to shine, would result in at least one therapy session. The last thing anyone needed to see involved fish fins sticking out of someone’s ass.
