I stared at myself in the mirror, a sob wracking in my chest. My lungs heaved, a dam about to burst. But then the door cracked open. The noise from the dining room, abuzz with excitement and conversation, reverberated as Blue slipped inside.
He locked the door and turned to face me. His bone-weary gaze anchored to mine. He was asking too many questions with that stare and I didn’t have an answer for any of them. When I couldn’t hold it any longer, I closed my eyes and let go, sobs taking over my body.
His arms wove around me, pulling me to him. “Hey. You got in. That’s awesome. I’m so proud of you.”
“But now I can’t go with you.” Once again, my face was back against his neck. He held me, letting me cry until the collar of his shirt was soaked. Which was a tragedy. It was the plaid shirt he’d worn at the Seddledowne Homecoming game. He knew it was my favorite and he’d worn it just to make me happy. My heart stuttered and I knew he felt it. He always did.
“Anna,” he finally whispered. “You’re even thinner than before. If you don’t start eating…”
But I couldn’t. Nothing sounded appetizing anymore.
“I can’t do long distance…I d-don’t…” I choked. “I don’t understand. I thought it would work out.”
He offered me the saddest smile I’d ever seen. “Did you actually not want to get in?”
I lowered my eyes. “Yes. No. I don’t know. All I know is I want to be with youandI want vet school. And I don’t know how to make that happen.”
He trapped my face between his hands, his eyes intense. “I don’t want you to worry about it another second. I’ll retire from football. I’ll transfer to Tech this fall.”
What? Dread filled me. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid. I shook my head. “No. That’s insane. You’re not quitting football. I won’t let you.”
“Ok. Well, then I’ll finish my last two years at Knoxville. We can do long-distance that long, right? Then I’ll retire and move to Blacksburg to be with you for your last two years of vet school.”
“You’re not staying in Knoxville, driving back and forth, wearing yourself out. And I won’t be able to drive down on the weekends in vet school. It’s not sustainable.”
He smoothed my bangs back. “Exactly. That’s why I’m retiring. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to make a relationship work and it’s my turn to do the sacrificing.”
“No,” I whisper-shouted. “You’re not quitting football.”
“I’m not quittingyou.” His tone was gentle.
I couldn’t let him do this. Whatever it took, I had to make him see he needed to keep playing. Moving forward in his career. Football was in his blood. His every heartbeat. It was all over his face when he was on the field. I steeled myself, making my words hard. “If you don’t go for the draft, we’re done.”
“It sounds like we’re done if I do. I’m going to step back from football, Anna. That’s the answer.”
“Blue.” I pressed my hands to my cheeks, feeling completely helpless. “If you quit because of me, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life and you’ll end up hating me.” Along with his dad and the entire nation.
“If I lose you, I’ll hate the rest of my life. Don’t you understand that?”
As much as I hated to admit it, his dad was right. I was a distraction. Blue was thinking of quitting his dream because of me. I’d read and reread Shane’s text messages. Memorized them meticulously because of the constant loop they ran on in my mind.
I didn’t like Blue’s dad. Not by a long shot. But he was right on this one thing. Blue was destined for greatness and I was getting in the way of that. I’d held on as tight as I could and all it had done was make him doubt. It was time to stop being selfish.
My heart felt like it was cracking in two. “I can’t let you quit football. I won’t. Ineedyou to reach your potential. I’ll never forgive myself if you don’t.”
He cupped my face in his hands and looked into my eyes for a long moment. Then a wave of resignation washed over him. “What do you need from me? Just tell me and I’ll do it. Whatever you need. Lay it on me.” His eyes squeezed shut like he didn’t want to do this but he was pushing through anyway. “You want to be friends? We’ll be friends. Best friends? Best friends with kissing benefits? I’ll be the best freaking friend slash make-out buddy you’ve ever seen. Whatever you want. Whatever you’ll give me.Please, Anna. I just…I need you in my life.”
I needed him too. Desperately.
I pulled him against me. His arms wrapped around my waist. I fingered a lock of hair at the nape of his neck. This adorable man was in constant need of a haircut. The tip of my nose brushed his. We just stood there, breathing together.
Why had he come back into my life if it was only going to come to this?
I didn’t understand any of it.
“I’m so sorry,” I said in a hush. Then I kissed him. His lips pushed back, gentle yet forceful, putting heat in my chest and my belly. Sparks of electricity jolted through me. I lived to be kissed by him. To be loved by him. How could I go on without this? A sob rose up in my throat and I shoved it back down. My stupid emotions were not going to get the best of me.
Not when this might be our last kiss.
