CHAPTER 23
blue
Ileaned back in my chair, completely stuffed, looking around for Anna. She’d been quiet all through dinner. I would’ve chalked it up to being around a lot of new people, but after Cici and Mallory baited her, she’d barely looked at or spoken to me. Even when she sat next to me all through the meal.
With her plate hardly touched, she’d excused herself to use the restroom over ten minutes ago. One of Kate’s delectable rolls sat in the middle, a quarter of the center pecked out. If Anna couldn’t even finish a roll, something was up. That girl loved carbs.
I reached for my phone in my pants pocket, wondering if I’d missed a text from her. Maybe she needed feminine products from the car. No. There was nothing there.
Dad kicked my foot under the table. “She doesn’t have to be right next to you all the time.” Clearly, he wasn’t thinking about the fact that Anna felt like an outsider here, that these were not her people, and it was my responsibility to make sure she was okay. I shot him a dirty look, stood, and dropped my napkin onto my plate. Then I went searching. Upstairs, downstairs, in the front yard. No Anna. After checking the entire house a second time, I came back through the kitchen.
Kate gave me a sad smile. “I think she’s outside.” She nodded toward the sliding glass door.
Sure enough she was out there, alone, way over by the edge of the golf course, overlooking a small pond. The rays of the setting sun glistened off the ripples of water and Anna was staring at it, stone still, hugging herself. When I got closer, I realized her teeth were chattering. But she must not have cared because she just kept standing there, gazing off into the distance.
“Babe, what’re you doing out here? You’re freezing.” I wound an arm around her and rubbed her shoulder. But she was stiff, like she didn’t want me to touch her. So I dropped my hands and stuffed them in my pockets, giving her space. Her eyes were fixed on that sunset and I wondered if the burning I saw in them was from the golden rays or her irritation about earlier. “Anna?”
She just shook her head, staring out at the water.
A feeling of dread I knew all too well settled in the middle of my stomach. This was all too much. She was going to dump me.
“Hey,” I folded my arms, forcing myself not to touch her. “I’m really sorry about those girls. They’re just…jersey chasers. They were purposely gaslighting you.”
She shook her head again, still staring.
My hands went to the back of my head. “Please.” I let out a ragged breath. I couldn’t handle uncommunicative Anna. “Whatever it is, can we just talk about it?”
She finally looked at me, her eyes so sad. “Why doIhave to give everything up?”
“What do you mean? Hey.” I smoothed her hair.
“You’re going pro and I have to go with you. We already know long distance doesn’t work. We’re making do for now but we see each other every week. What happens if you move so far we can’t hop in the car for a night?”
“Oh, babe.” I pulled her against me, so relieved she wasn’t breaking up with me. “You don’t have to give up anything.”
“Yes, I do.” She sniffed and laid her head on my shoulder. “I can’t stay in Virginia going to vet school for four more years. And if I go to vet school in whatever place you end up in, if they even have a vet school, and you get traded, then I’m stuck there alone and that’ll suck.” It all came out in a gush. “So, what? I can never become a vet? How is that fair?” The pain in her voice was undoing me piece by piece.
“Oh my gosh,” I laughed even though none of it was funny. “The coaches’ wives gave you a PhD in NFL life, didn’t they? And now you’re super overwhelmed.”
Her entire torso shook, half laughing, half crying. “Yes, and I know that wherever you go, I have to go, and of course that’s what I want. I don’t want to be away from you. But that means no vet school, and it’s my dream. Ever since I was a little girl.” She wiped her cheeks, looking at the ground. “But I’m conflicted because…you’re my new dream.”
I lifted her head, forcing her to look at me. “Did you just quote Flynn Rider?”
“Uh huh.” She sob-laughed, a huge tear plopping onto her cheek. “It’s a great line.”
“It really is.” I wiped it away and kissed her cheek, completely gone for this woman. “You’re my new dream too. And my old one. You’re in every dream I’ve ever had.”
She slid her arms around my back and hiccuped a sob. “Yeah. Pretty much. Why didn’t you tell me about all of this?”
My molars ground. “I just…I was putting it off. We just found each other again and everything’s been so perfect…”
“You can’t do that,” she whimpered. “If we want a future together, we have to plan together.” Her fists gripped the back of my shirt. “You do want a future together, don’t you?”
I rested my cheek against the top of her head. “Yes. You don’t need to wonder about that. Of course I do. That’s all I want.” I smoothed a hand over her hair, just loving her for a long moment.
Her fingers trailed along my spine. “I’m sorry I’m not satisfying you.” It came out small and shaky.
The change of topic was so sudden that it took my head a second to realize she’d changed it. I realized I needed to make something clear.
