“Fireflies.” He grinned. “But you should still call them lightning bugs or you’re a traitor to the south.”
I gasped and hid it with a cough. “Did I break up with you because you were…” My voice shook. I was in a losing battle with my lungs, trying to keep my tone steady.
“Poor? No, and I’m sorry I believed that.” He gulped, out of breath, and I didn’t think it had anything to do with the jogging. His eyes turned down. “We broke up because my dad took the money he was supposed to use for my ticket, went to Vegas, and gambled it all away.”
My hands flew out, gripping his biceps. “You didn’t tell me that.”
He tilted his head to the side. “Would it have made a difference?”
We stared into each other’s eyes.
“Maybe. I don’t know.” My heart constricted. “The truth is you broke me the day you told me you were moving. One minute you were this person I thought I could always count on to be there. And the next…you weren’t. When you told me you weren’t coming home at Christmas…it just felt like the rug was being pulled out from under me again.”
He pounded his thigh. “I know, I know. I’m so sorry.”
“I tried, Blue. I really did. I wanted it to work. You were my…everything.” I shook him gently. “But you should’ve let me buy you a ticket.”
“It was embarrassing. Don’t you get that?” He waved a hand, erasing that statement. “ButImessed up. I know I did.” His hands came off the wall and he cupped my face. “Our metaphorical car ran into the ditch and instead of getting out, stepping back, and making sure we were okay, I overcorrected and flipped us three times, destroying any chance we had. And I’ve hated myself every day since.”
My heart tightened. “You have to stop blaming yourself.” I laid my hands over his, looking deep into his eyes. “We were young. The distance was too far. It just wasn’t our time.”
He shook his head. “Never say those words to meeveragain. Please.” He pulled me against him. “Anna, I love you. I never stopped.” I let him wrap me in a tight hug and I almost rested my head against his shoulder until I remembered every bit of pain this man had caused me. From moving to Lacy to the press conference.
“Blue,” I made my voice gentle. “You don’t treat someone the way you’ve treated me. Not if it’s love. And I’m not just talking about the press conference.”
His shoulders dropped and he looked away for a moment. But then resolve settled in his expression. “No. I do. I know I do. Maybe I screwed up. Or I was misguided. Or immature and selfish. I’m not perfect. But if there is anything that I actually know, it’s that I am one hundred percent in love with you.” His hands reached behind his neck. He unhooked a necklace and held it out for me. I put my hand out and he draped the chain across my palm.
It wasn’tanecklace. It wasmynecklace. The one I’d given him when he moved away. I stared at it, jaw dropped. It was my necklace that he kissed?
“I wear it all the time. I never take it off. They tape it to me during games.” His hands propped on his hips. “There hasn’t been a single day since I moved away that I didn’t have that around my neck.”
I looked up at him, mouth slightly parted. “That’s…”
“Completely wack. I know.”
I flipped my initials over, running my fingertips over the worn gold edging. “You’ve dated a lot of girls. There’s no way you’re telling me you wore this when you were with them.”
He slapped his hands onto the brick wall again, barricading me in, an adorable, goofy grin on his face. “That is exactly what I’m telling you.” His forehead rested against mine, the scent of his spearmint gum wafting up my nose. “I may be a codependent, cocky, self-centered wuss who hides behind muscles, speed, and an extraordinary dimple I don’t deserve. And Brooklyn might be right. I might be screwed for the rest of my life. But I love you, Anna.All to pieces. Don’t ever tell me I don’t.”
I balled the necklace in my fist, wishing I could give in on this. Wishing I could press up on my toes and kiss those soft lips. Step into those arms and never let go. But we weren’t there yet and we might never be.
I clenched the necklace, the metal making indents in my palm. “I want a love like Lemon and Silas. Or Christy and Holden. Or Granny and Gramps. They don’t hurt each other. They’re kind and respectful. They don’t do hateful things out of spite. They give each other grace and they take care of each other.” I tilted my head, pleading for him to understand. “I want someone who’s my safe place.”
His arms folded across his chest, eyes down, looking at the ground for a long moment. Then he looked up and nodded. “You’re right. You deserve that. Completely.” He stared off into the distance and it felt like my heart was breaking. But I knew what I wanted. I wouldn’t settle for less. Then he glanced back up at me. “Did I give you that kind of love when we were together? Back in high school?”
“Yeah. You did. Until the day you told me you were leaving. It was good until it wasn’t.”
“Itwasgood. Really good.” He tipped his head to the side, his eyes downturned. “And I’m going to give you that again. However long it takes.”
It was so Blue. Making big promises before he knew if he could keep them.
I leaned back against the wall. “You haven’t even asked me if that’s what I want.”
He chewed his lip. “I’m afraid to.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Is that what you want?” Then he shook his head, looking nervous and scared. “You don’t have to answer that right now.” He sighed. “Let’s just take a beat. Give each other a little space. A little time to think.” He glanced up, meeting my eye. “Will you answer a question for me?”
That made me nervous…but he’d put himself out there tonight. He’d admitted his dad gambled his money and he’d told me about the necklace. Which was still in my fist. “Sure.”
“I always feel like things are one-sided between us. Like I’m a desperate sucker trying to win someone over who doesn’t want to be won.”
