I wouldn’t beg her to love me.
I was holding out for a love like my two older brothers had. The kind where it’s equal. Maybe not from day to day or week to week, but overall. The love they gave was the love they got back. I’d be miserable if I settled for anything less.
I let my gaze linger on Tally for a moment longer. The sheen of her dark hair, the curves of her hips. The urge to hold her like I had outside of Capitol Cuts ripped through me, wild and overwhelming.
My lungs felt like they were filled with lead, each breath weighed down with the pain of knowing I would probably never hold her again. Two minutes of ecstasy had put me through almost two months of hell. I’d given her everything I had in that kiss. My heart, my soul, every hope for a future together. And it hadn’t been enough.
I wasn’t enough for her.
And if after years of friendship, of heated discussions about every book under the sun, of teasing and laughing and picking on each other…if after all that, I still wasn’t what she wanted?
Then I never would be.
I turned and walked out of the gym.
six
ASHTON
I love mankind, he said, "but I find to my amazement that the more I love mankind as a whole, the less I love man in particular.
— FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY
Anna jangled the keys to Stella, her white CRV, against her thigh. “You’re sure you don’t want to come to the movie with everyone?”
I sat at the kitchen table of her mom’s old house—Anna and Blue’s house now—my laptop humming, ready to work. The house usually sat vacant. Anna and Blue only stayed here during weekend and holiday visits since they were both still students at Virginia Tech. Austen’s work light was already lit on the screen. She was waiting for me. “Nah. I gotta get some stuff done. I’m not much of a horror movie guy anyway.”
Anna’s hand went to her hip. “It’s spring break.”
We dropped a new chapter on Incognito every Thursdayat midnight—spring break or not. It was Wednesday evening and we hadn’t even begun. But I couldn’t tell Anna any of that because I hadn’t told her anything about my secret writing gig. Because if Anna knew, then Tally would know. And I wasn’t ready for that. Especially with the way things were now.
“I know,” I said. “I promise I’ll be done by the time you get home and we can hang.”
Her head cocked to one side. “She’s not coming to the movie if that’s the reason. She said she has stuff she needs to work on too.”
I slumped down in the chair, wishing everyone didn’t think all my life choices were based on Tally and her whereabouts. “It’s not that. I really do have to get some stuff done.”
“All right,” Anna said with a tone of disbelief. Then she pointed at me with one eye half closed. “When I get back, you’re going down in 7 Wonders.”
I chuckled. It was Anna’s new favorite two-player board game. She was ridiculously good at it but I wouldn’t tell her that. “Looking forward to it.”
She gave me a wave before leaving.
I got straight to work.
Leggolas1012: You ready to write?
Austentacious119: Give me three minutes.
We should’ve gotten Jack and Raven together seven chapters ago. And not just a kiss. The tension was cranked so high at this point that it had to be a bedroom scene. Our readers were clamoring for it. There was a whole Reddit thread on how frustrated they were. While I waited, I found myself clicking on the thread I’d bookmarked.
As I scrolled, I saw a common theme.
“These authors are seriously testing my patience here.”
“This is becoming a snooze fest. Get on with it already!”
“I'm about ready to DNF this book if they don't confess in the next chapter.”
