“She’s still there?” I kind of thought she’d leave once I was gone. Hoped anyway. I wasn’t trying to be mean. I just didn’t see how she’d be comfortable there now. I guessed she and Holden were better friends than I’d realized.
“Sounds like she’s heading out in the morning.”
“All right. Thanks, Ash.”
“No prob. I promise I’ll call if Lemon shows up here.”
That night, I lay down on my old bed, but I hardly slept. I texted Clem a few more times, but she didn’t respond. The longer I lay there, staring into the darkness, the higher the boulders of anxiety piled on my chest.
I’d messed up. Royally. The day Clem and I got together, I’d been so certain. We were going the whole eight seconds. Me, Clem, and Anna. We hadn’t even made it to one. In hindsight, I knew mymistake. I’d nodded too early. I’d always been a roper, but I’d attempted bull riding a few times in my life. When you’re in the chute, atop an angry bull, waiting for the ride to start, you signal for the gateman to open the chute with the bob of your head. But I was never any good at bull-riding, and I’d had no business digging my spurs in until I’d been completely straight with Christy. My only hope now was that Clem would give me a re-ride.
If only I could find her.
I’d like to say I woke up with a plan, but I didn’t. I got up with the sun and headed back toward Firefly Fields. The wide-open gate was the happiest sight I’d seen in the last twelve hours. I leaned forward, scanning the glorious green fields. The driveway was smooth now and the fence lines in perfect condition. I hoped James was smiling down on the efforts I’d put in over the last three months. If nothing else came out of this, I was at least proud of that.
My stomach was in a hooey knot as I came up the hill in front of her house. The knot tripled and tightened when I realized that, yeah, Clem was there…
But so was Billy.
His gargantuan truck was parked in my spot in the carport.
First thing in the morning.
The boulders were back, tenfold, and I felt myself crumbling, darkness closing in. Right back where I’d been in front of that scoreboard and on her wedding day. I wiped a hand over my mouth, staring at the house. Even if this meant what I was pretty sure it did, Clem still needed to know how sorry I was for the way things went down. She had to know that my heart never had been Christy’s, even if she never gave me hers again. Whatever it took, I wasn’t leaving until she knew that.
Stress and no sleep were giving me a migraine, so I rubbed circles on my temples before getting out of the car. I took mytime coming across the yard, ambling up the stairs and onto the porch, trying to get my hands to stop shaking. Billy yanked the door open before I had a chance to knock.
He was fully dressed, in khakis and a rumpled polo shirt, his blond, thinning hair a greasy mess. He’d definitely slept over.
He eyed me up and down with a scowl, then straightened, lifting his chin to appear taller. “What do you want?” But his eyes were swollen and bloodshot, like he’d been crying. Looked like Billy’s night had been as rough as mine. I didn’t let myself deliberate on what that meant. The last thing I needed was to get my hopes up.
I took a step toward him, trying to get inside. I couldn’t be bothered with his little-man syndrome right then. “Where’s Clem?”
“She doesn’t want to see you,” he growled, like he had a right to be her gatekeeper. She told him what happened? A stab of betrayal hit my chest, but I humbled myself real quick. If Clem had run back to Billy, it was only because I’d propelled her there. Whatever had happened here, this was on me.
I leaned over him and poked my head in. Everything was in shadows, the early morning sun the only light in the room. When I saw a pillow and a blanket on the couch, along with Billy’s shoes on the floor, relief washed over me like a tsunami.
Billy puffed out his chest. “You need to leave. Now. Before Lemon wakes up.”
“Not until I talk to her.” My voice came out rough, gravelly, and I hoped he wouldn’t turn this into a thing. But I wasn’t leaving until I saw her. Even if I had to body slam him to the ground again.
He glanced over his shoulder, toward the hall, and then back at me. “She lost the baby last night,” he hissed. “This isn’t the time.”
My mouth parted slightly as my heart fell out of my chest and onto the floor.
“She lost the baby?” I said, barely a whisper. No wonder she hadn’t responded yesterday.
“Yeah.” His voice cracked. He’d been crying a lot. Well, look at that. Billy had a heart, after all. He tilted his head in disbelief. “You knew and you let her keep it from me?”
A minute ago, I would have given him a sarcastic reply about how Clem could keep him in the dark for the rest of his life for all I cared. But now, I didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t kick a man when he was down. I just shrugged.
Maybe the baby hadn’t been mine, but it had been Clem’s, which was enough for me. When I’d told her I’d be this baby’s dad, I’d meant it. Fully. Gotten my heart set on it. Hearing the news gutted me and it was trying to come out through my tear ducts.
“Billy?” Clem’s voice trembled from the hall. “Who’s at the door?”
I straightened, praying to get a glimpse of her. “Clem, it’s Silas. Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“I told you to leave.” Billy tried to shut the door on me. I jammed my shoulder in the way.
