“Stop it,” Clem said forcefully, standing ten feet behind Billy. “Let him be.”
Reluctantly, Billy stepped back, holding his hands up.
I pushed past him and in two strides I was to her, arms open, ready to be whatever she needed at that moment. Ready to grovel, crawl across hot coals. Any of it. All of it.
“Don’t.” She stepped back, her expression a three-way split between betrayal, loss, and fierce determination. She looked at Billy. “You need to give us a minute.”
He raised his brows at me in a threat. “I’ll be in the guest room, right around the corner.” Like I didn’t know where itwas and like I hadn’t been sleeping there all summer. Like my stuff wasn’t still in there at that very moment.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Billy, just go.”
Once he was gone, I took a long look at her. Hair tousled, baggy sweats, and an oversized T-shirt hanging off one shoulder. Like Billy, her eyes were swollen and red, not a trace of makeup anywhere. She brushed her hair out of her face and I wanted to trace my fingertips over her cheekbones. Even standing here, as broken as she must’ve been, she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
My hands folded behind my neck so I wouldn’t reach for her. “Clem, I’m so sorry?—”
She shook her head, biting her bottom lip. “I can’t do this, okay? You shouldn’t have driven all the way back. You should be with Anna. She’s going to need you now.”
My forehead furrowed and I slouched. “She’s going to need me now?”
“I know you came here to apologize, beg me to forgive you, or whatever?—”
I cut her off. Whatever I came here for, she trumped that. “Clem, the baby, I’m sorry for?—”
“It’s not your concern. You’re with Christy.” Tears leaked out, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop them.
My hands flew out, frantic. “Christy and I are over. I never should have agreed to the pause/reset thing?—”
“No.” Her jaw pulsed. “That’s what I’m talking about. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
I tilted my head, eyes narrowing. “Why doesn’t it matter?”
She gazed out the window past me, a distant look in her eye. Then her expressive green eyes flashed back, piercing like a dagger. “I thought I wanted to be in a relationship with you, but this whole thing made me realize…” She looked at the floor, a slight shrug. “I just… don’t.”
My shoulders rounded as if she’d sucker-punched me. I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe. I glanced down the hall where Billy was probably eavesdropping. Were they back together?
She must’ve read my mind because she said, “It’s not about Billy either. He’s just helping for a bit until Momma gets here and then I’ll be sending him on his way, too.”
I didn’t understand any of this. “Clem, please,” was all I could say.
She wiped her cheeks. “Don’t go beating yourself up. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m broken, okay. I’m never going to be able to trust a man again. It’s just the way I am now. The damage is too extensive,” she said, like a doctor breaking the news to the family of someone who’d just died in a tragic accident.
I stood there in shock.
“Hold on.” She walked out of the room and down the hall. She must’ve gone into my room, because Billy’s muffled voice sounded through the wall. Then it went quiet. A couple of minutes later, she carried out a big box.
She held it out for me. “It’s over, Si.”
I stared at my belongings and back up at her.
“Please, just take it and go.” Her voice quivered. She shoved it against my chest.
I stood there, staring at her, not wanting to believe it, the box rammed between us. I finally got my hands to raise, to hold the bottom of the cardboard. She gave me a little push, trying to get me out the door, but I couldn’t. My legs refused to move.
“Go,” she cried. “Leave.” Her hands pressed against my chest with a shove.
I stumbled backward and finally got myself to turn. The door shut behind me, as soon as I was over the threshold.
In a daze, I walked to the car. I don’t even remember getting in but somehow I must’ve. I held it together until Iwas over the first hill. Then I had to stop the car because my eyes were drowning and I couldn’t see the road. I tipped my head back against the headrest. A groan broke free from the deepest recesses of my soul and I let the waves of grief crash over me.
