Logan weighs me.“I’m not sure how much he’s told you,” Logan starts and I wonder if I should stop him.Cassius hasn’t told me anything, not really.I don’t want Logan to get in trouble for telling me something Cassius doesn’t plan to, but I also ache to know more about him.“Cassius is a very powerful man.I’m goofy with you and it’s been fun, letting my guard down a bit, but in his world I can’t afford to blink.Him and his brothers, geniuses, all of them, though Cassius likes to pretend he’s not.They treat their people well, pay us well, but the stuff we’ve seen, we earn our paychecks.”
“Are you telling me to stay away from him?”
“I’m telling you no one, including me, questions him.If any Ashenheart told our crew to climb Charleston Peak naked in a blizzard, you’d see a conga line of idiots freezing for the cause.”
I want to ask about his brothers and what makes them so smart.Seems like a silly thing to take from the conversation when what Logan is actually describing is an extremely powerful group of brothers, who apparently have lots of other men ready and willing to do their bidding.The fear should come, but it doesn’t.
“What makes you all so loyal to them?”
“It doesn’t start out that way.For most, it’s just a job, clock in, clock out, go home.They aren’t privy to the extras.Ashenheart Defense Agencyis a massive company.They hire employees, just like every other company.People do their jobs and get paid.Easy.”
“And people like you?”
“Have proven their loyalty with blood,” Logan says.I realize I should’ve stopped him.I truly hope he doesn’t get in trouble for explaining things to me.“There’s a lot more to it than that, but Cassius should explain why he operates the way he does.”
Damn it.
I don’t want him in trouble but I don’t want to keep being in the dark either.
“Cassius is a good man,” Logan continues.“He’s a good man who does very bad things for the right reasons.He does things other men want to but can’t stomach.There’s not another man on the planet that will protect you better than him.Always remember that.”
The room cools.The Bolo-Hat ghost appears and tips his brim.Agreement, clear as verbal language.The others don’t agree.They blur to the edges and flicker hard, warning-bright.Oleg’s throat opens into a red smile I can feel along my own.
Ask about London,his voice presses, slick as his awful cologne.Ask him what happened to her.
I nod, unsure how to follow that and walk toward the bathroom.My nightly routine happens slowly.Routine saves me.Shower Rule One: hottest water I can stand, ninety seconds, count the breaths.Rule Two: shampoo, conditioner, face wash, then body scrub.Never out of order.Rule Three: cold rinse to reset the nerves.When the water is ice, my chest unclenches.Barely.Cassius will protect me, but will he communicate with me?He told me he’d never lie to me, but I don’t even know where to start with questions.He can easily do both, keep me in the dark and not lie to me, because I am so far out of my element when it comes to the world he lives in.
In bed, I pull the covers to my chin and read a few chapters of his favorite book.It helps.So does the Vegas bucket list pressed between the pages.I touch the crease and remind myself I’m still working on the girl who doesn’t shake, who picks herself, who doesn’t break when people decide not to stay.Logan snoring on my couch helps too, with his pistol on the coffee table.Off, on, off for the lamp.I sleep like I’m inside a lockbox.
My alarm jostles me from sleep way earlier than I’d like.I do my makeup meticulously, symmetrical lines that make my brain stop buzzing, and pick a blue dress with black knee-high boots and a cropped black jacket.At the mirror I line up my perfume, ring dish, and lip balm so their labels face the same direction.My hands don’t shake.Much.
I walk out into the living room and Logan, God bless him, is already making coffee.
“At this rate I’ll never want you to leave.”
Logan hands me a cup.“Thanks to my excellent weekend babysitting, I’ve earned a rare two days off.”
“I won’t even comment on the babysitting thing because I’m so happy for you.How are you going to spend them?”
“I have a daughter, Katy.She’s two.”Logan rubs the back of his neck.“Her mom died in a car accident six months ago.My mom keeps her while I’m working.So my next two days will be all about her.”
I’m not sure what possesses me to step forward and hug him, but I do.He doesn’t hug back, which is fine because I prefer he keeps his hands and I’m sure he does too.I step back.“I’m so sorry, Logan.”
“She was a great mother.We grew up together.Before Katy, Krista was my whole world.”Logan coughs back tears.“I miss her every day.”
“I’m glad you get to spend time with your daughter.”I pick up my keys and purse.“Who’s going to be shadowing me today?”
“I’ll follow you to work and make sure you get inside.Adrian will probably keep tabs on you on your computer until Cassius gets back into town.”
“On my computer?”
“Genius, remember?He can hack any computer in that place, audio and video.”
“That’s creepy.”We start for the front door.“Cassius will be home today?”
“Sometime this evening, yes.”Logan follows me out the door, checking the handle to make sure it’s locked.We walk downstairs together, and he gives me a nod and smile before getting in his car to follow me to work.
The entire drive I think about Cassius coming home.Will he come see me?Why does he think it’s okay to go two days without even a text?I shudder at the thought of seeing him in person.There’s been so much build up and anticipation and waiting.I’m worried about how I’ll feel when faced with him.
