“Logan.”He wipes some rain drops from his forehead.
“Do you want to watch me from inside so that you’re not getting drenched?”
“Cassius would never go for that.”
“Call him,” I say.Logan raises his brows, but pulls his phone out of his chest pocket anyway.It’s freezing out.The rain is surprising in this normally dry desert, but the nights have been frigid the entire month of December.Logan hits a couple of buttons, including speaker, and holds the phone out to me.
“Logan.”Cassius’ voice sends goosebumps over my body.“Is she okay?”
“Yes,” Logan says.“She’s fine.She uh, well, she wants to talk to you.”
“Why is she within two feet of you?”
“Cassius,” I interrupt.“Don’t be mad at Logan.I saw him outside.It’s raining.Freezing, truly.Can he watch me from inside my apartment?”It’s silly to ask for his permission.It’s silly that he has someone watching me to begin with.And inviting a total stranger into my apartment because a man I barely know has him babysitting me is the silliest of all.But, from what little I’ve gathered about Cassius, Logan isn’t going anywhere.He may as well be comfortable.
“Put him on the phone.”
I hand Logan the phone and he takes it off speaker before placing it up to his ear.
“No, I swear, I didn’t even know she knew I was outside,” Logan answers the question I can’t hear.“I won’t.”Pause.“I’d never do that.”Another pause.“I know,” Logan says, nodding his head the entire time.Cassius must’ve hung up because Logan puts his phone away and gives me a nervous smile.“He said if I so much as stain your couch I’m a dead man.”
“I won’t let him kill you.”I try to laugh, but secretly wonder if I could stop Cassius from doing such a thing.Would he listen to me?“I have a lot of leftover Chinese, let’s go warm you up.”
“I’ll be up in a few.I’m going to grab my go bag,” Logan says, opening the exit door to step back into the rain.I return up the stairs and leave my front door cracked for Logan.He walks in a few minutes later, locking the deadbolt behind him.
“Keep that locked, okay?”Logan says as he surveys my living room.“Cassius will literally kill me if anything happens to you.Help me out.”
“I’ve never really thought about anything happening to me before,” I admit.It’s true.I’ve always walked through life blissfully unaware of its possible horrors.
“You don’t have to think about it now.Just keep the door locked.Lock your car when you get in it.Just be aware of the things you can do to add that extra layer of preventative measures.”
“I can do that.”I extend a glass plate filled with Chinese food to Logan that I warmed up while he got his bag.“I’m excellent at following rules.”
The ghosts don’t stop.They stand at the edges, whisperinghe’ll do this to you.There’s one with a neat carved web on his chest I refuse to look at directly because that one hums, and if I hear the song, it’ll live in my marrow.I try not to blink too long in their direction.We marathon scary movies all night, with Logan interrupting every three minutes to tell me how the scene would be done in real life.Logan reminds me of Nathan.He’s funny, nothing like the serious man he works for.I turn my attention away from the others who Logan can’t see and back to him and ask him to explain, again, why the heroineshouldn’trun upstairs.He showers after he eats, a detail we both agree Cassius doesn’t need to have.He has extra clothes in his black leather duffle bag and has made himself right at home on my couch.
Cassius doesn’t call.Logan’s phone buzzes at the top of every hour and he answers with a clippedcopyandclearandon it.I don’t ask who’s on the other end.I line the remote with the edge of the table.
At midnight, I check the locks, then check them again.And the third time.Logan doesn’t comment.I leave him with a pillow and some blankets at the end of the cushions.When I look back at him from my hallway, he’s got a pistol sitting on the coffee table.Oddly enough, it makes me feel good.
I lay in the dark, watched from every angle.A man who swore he’ll keep me safe.The dead who want me to push him away.A choice that tastes like ayesno matter how many times I count to odd numbers.
They keep whispering,he’ll do this to you.Call the cops.Tell your brother.Tell anyone.The pressure builds like a second heartbeat.If this keeps up, I’ll have to take sleeping pills.But Logan’s here and his pistol on the coffee table makes me feel safe.The Bolo-Hat ghost is here and even though I’m unsure whether I can trust him, he makes me feel safer in Cassius’s world than with my own rules.I’m not fearless.I’m not brave.But I’ve never wanted anything the way I want what he turns on inside me.Maybe that’s the scariest part.Maybe that’s the point.God help me, maybe that’s what scares me most of all.
twelve
By Sunday eveningI’m offended Cassius hasn’t sent so much as a text.The hourly check-ins with Logan should make me feel better.Cassius knows I’m fine, but I’d rather him check directly with me.The part of me that’s reasonable says he’s working.The part that isn’t keeps checking my phone every seven minutes.
Logan and I finish watchingScream, the original, because it’s the best, and I get up to shower and get ready for bed.Work is going to sneak up on me.
“Thank you, Logan, for hanging out with me.I didn’t expect to have so much fun.”
“Don’t thank me.You saved me from freezing.Your man would’ve had me standing out there all night and all day today.”
I open my mouth to say he’s not my man, but isn’t he?He’s something.“No breaks?”
“Not when it comes to you.”
“No one asks why?”
