Keishin set his fork down and looked at his stepmother as though seeing her for the first time. He had never heard her speak more openly or plainly. A part of him felt relieved to have her say those words to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for her.He did. And he knew that she cared for him. But being his father’s wife did not magically transform her into his mother, and neither did him calling her “okaa-san” make him her son. Calling anything by a false name only made it feel less true. And yet, there was another part of Keishin that felt sad to hear his stepmother speak this way. Their lie, like most lies, had beena balm to a truth that chafed. Without it, all he was left with was the relentless awareness of having the perfect likeness of a mother going through the motions good mothers were supposed to do.
And this is how Keishin knew, upon hearing Fumiko’s words that night beneath the stars, that he needed to run, as fast as he could, to Hana. He had realized what Chiyo’s real punishment was because, just like Fumiko, he had been sentenced to it too.
Chapter Thirty-seven
A Punishment to Fit the Crime
Hana lay next to Haruto and watched him sleep. He drew uneven breaths, a furrow etched between his brows. Hana got up from the futon and walked over to the window. The village’s work twinkled in the sky.
“Hana?” Haruto rubbed his eyes with the back of his bandaged hand.
“You crossed the bridge early. It isn’t morning yet.”
“I didn’t have any dreams to keep me.” He sat up. “Why are you still here?”
“I wanted to be here in case you needed anything.”
“I told you. I can take care of myself.”
“All right. I’ll go.” Hana headed to the room Masako had prepared for her.
“Wait. I’m sorry. Stay…if you want to.”
Hana sat on the futon next to him. “When did you know?”
“When did I know what?”
“When did you know that what you felt about me was more than just friendship?”
He shook his head. “There is no need to talk about this. I know that you don’t feel the same way about me.”
“I want to know,” Hana said. “I need to.”
“I don’t think that I have an answer to your question. It wasnot a specific day or an exact moment. I did not wake up and suddenly feel that I loved you. The only answer I can give you is that it happened gradually. Slowly, and unnoticed, the way the ocean turns rocks into sand. And you are an ocean, Hana. Gentle and quiet, yet powerful enough to sweep away any man or ship. I drowned in you a long time ago and I did not even know it.”
“What if…what if it is the same with me? What if I loved you and did not realize it?”
“I can help you find an answer to that, but I must ask you a question first.” Haruto leaned closer, his eyes asking his question before his lips did. They could never hide anything from Hana. They gave away the subtlest shifts inside him, telling her exactly when he was feeling awkward, shy, fearful, sad, happy, or surprised. Tonight, in no uncertain terms, they told her that he wanted to kiss her.
“Yes,” Hana said.
“Yes?”
“You are going to ask me if you can kiss me. My answer is yes.”
“Are you sure that this is what you want?”
Hana looked into his eyes and saw the boy who enjoyed nothing more than to fold paper into flowers for her and the man who had sacrificed his hands to keep her safe. She closed her eyes and waited to feel Haruto’s lips on hers, to finally know if she could be the wife that he deserved. “I am.”
“I hope you find what you are looking for, Hana.” Haruto’s lips teased her mouth open.
Hana’s heart pounded against her ribs, growing so loud that she was sure that Haruto could hear it too. A loud rapping onthe door thundered over her heartbeat. Hana jolted back. “Shiikuin,” she said, scrambling to her feet.
“Hana?” a man called from behind the door. “Haruto?”
“Keishin?” Hana hurried to the door.
Keishin clutched his sides, breathing hard. “Fumiko…” he said, trying to catch his breath. “She…knows…”
