I paused, my mind whirring. Too much was happening at once, leaving me dazed. How could I regain control of the conversation when I was thrown so off-balance? “I don’t follow, sir.”
Henri smirked. “See? That wouldn’t be the reaction of someone who didn’t have their own secret to hide. A man who does not like men would be uncomfortable with the very idea of helping me in and out of my clothes. It didn’t even occur to you.”
I blinked. “But you’re a count, sir. I couldn’t—”
“There’s no point in denying it, Dupont. Now let’s drop this charade, shall we? I believe you’re like me.” He bit his lower lip. “Are you? You can be honest with me, Dupont. I’ve been honest with you.”
I felt my mouth grow dry. He wanted me to … say that I liked men? Out loud? I’d never been able to say that about myself, not directly. It was so taboo and … and did Henri merely want to humiliate me? Was this whole valet promotion some elaborate machination to reproach me before I was dismissed? But then, why would he admit that he himself liked men? To make the dismissal more palatable?
“My lord, I … I need this job.” I felt tears pricking behind my eyes as desperation gripped my chest. But I refused to let them be produced. “I don’t know what you think you know, but I assure you that I can carry out my duties. Like you said, what I managed with your sister—”
“Of course, you can carry out your duties,” Henri said, looking a little confused. “I just want to know that I can rely on you, Dupont. I want to be able to trust you, but that goes both ways.” He took a deep breath. “Now, can you trustme?”
I stared at him a moment, but I realized that he wouldn’t be put off. What would be the point of delaying the inevitable? Yet, I couldn’t meet his eyes as I said it.
“I like men.”
It felt so strange to say it aloud, as if I was listening to the confession from someone else entirely. My cheeks burned with shame.
Henri let out a deep sigh. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
Tears bloomed in my eyes despite myself, and I swiped them away angrily. “Do you want me to pack my things?”
Henri snorted. “Of course not. Would you have me pack my bags as well?” He patted my shoulder, then strode over to his bed as I composed myself. I took a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart. I couldn’t believe that had happened.
“Sorry,” Henri said as he perched at the edge of his bed and regarded me. “I thought that we needed to clear the air. Doesn’t that feel much better, having it out in the open?” He grinned at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. I was still rattled by the fact that this man, whom I’d only known for a matter of days, a man who was contemplating murdering his own uncle, knew my dark secret. How could I possibly feel safe with such personal information in his hands? And yet, I knew a secret of his as well. It was strangely intimate, like some barrier between us had fallen away. Yet, the trust that he’d spoken of wasn’t so easily gained. It was one thing to share in a secret, and yet another to let my guard down around a man capable of considering diabolical deeds. “And please call me Henri. At least when we’re alone together.”
“Thank you, Henri. I … I don’t understand how you … knew.”
Henri pursed his lips. “I’ve been watching you, Dupont. I can see myself in you. Your struggle to find your place in a society that shames you for who you are. I know how it feels. But I also see a determined young man, pushing through his uncertainty. You’re strong. Stronger than you give yourself credit for. You can do this job. You’ll be a marvelous valet.”
I swelled at his praise, but my doubts crept in at the corners. This did present me with an opportunity to get closer to the family and its secrets. But my own secret was also on the line, and Henri was already coming far too close to exposing it. My fledgling plan to uncover what the family was hiding could be dashed before it even began if I didn’t tread very carefully. “Thank you, sir. I’ll do my best.”
Henri nodded slowly. “I also … I mean, I find you terribly fascinating. You’re handsome and quick, and …” He looked away, swallowing hard. “Look, I’ll be honest. I like you, Dupont. I thought that if you could step into this role, maybe it would make things easier … and maybe we could … get to know each other better. As a valet, you would travel with me, be my companion. It’s the perfect cover for …”
He let his voice trail off as he caught my horrified look. I hadn’t meant to let it show, the discomfort at his words. I found that I liked Henri. I even found him attractive. But I couldn’t see myself in some sort of secret relationship with him, especially as I was plotting to blackmail his uncle.
“What is it?” Henri asked, straightening.
I licked my lips. “Sir, I couldn’t possibly … I mean, you’re my employer and it wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“Appropriate?” Henri snorted. “By the narrow minds of this society? Of course not. That’s why we are forced to the shadows. That’s why one gesture in public could be ruinous. It’s absolutely ridiculous. But that’s why this has to remain a secret. We can find comfort in one another, but it stays here, behind these walls.”
I took a step back. My mind was racing. My heart thumped furiously. I couldn’t. A secret relationship? Stealing kisses in corridors and sending longing glances across crowded rooms? That would make it seem like there was something wrong with two men being together. I didn’t want to feel like that, like I was a dirty secret. And where could this take us, in the end? In the best-case scenario, I would be returning to my old life, and come into my inheritance when I turned eighteen. Anything with Henri would only make that more difficult. And worst case? I would blackmail his uncle. I wasn’t sure I could be in a relationship with someone I was lying to. “I don’t want to sound ungrateful, Henri, but it would be one-sided. I would be serving you out there, in public. There wouldn’t be any hope of us being true equals. No relationship can be founded on that.”
“One-sided? You just told me that you like men. I’ll take care of you. I’ll make sure you have a good life. It will be equal in that we’ll both be looking out for each other. What’s so wrong with that?”
Bram’s face swam through my mind. His kindness, his laughter, his gentle nature. Henri was …arrogant.This was arrogance personified. How could he assume that I would go along with this? That I should behonoredto find myself at the receiving end of this proposal.
I lifted my chin, steeling my resolve. “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t be a part of this. I would be at your mercy, and I cannot compromise myself in that way.”
“You can’t, or you won’t?”
“I won’t. I …” I hesitated before forcing myself to look him in the face. “I like you, Henri. Quite a bit. I think we could be good friends. But I don’t want anything more than that.”
Henri’s face darkened. “Is that so? After everything I did to get you this promotion, now you don’t want it? I can’t just tell my uncle that I was wrong about Fournier and have everything return to the way it was.” He shook his head. “No, we’re stuck together, Dupont, unless I come up with a way to undo this.”
I swallowed hard. “Sir, please—”
