“It is.”
“How long will you stay there?” he asked.
“I’m not sure. Maybe till the end of the year. Then I might listen to what Fyodora said and try to take that empty spot at the dance company.”
“That would be amazing!” Matías exclaimed.
“It would, right?” As I asked that, I noticed a silence on the other line that I knew all too well. A silence that said Matías had something to tell me that he was struggling to get out. I nudged him along, asking, “What?”
He tried to tell me it was nothing, and when I pressed him, he admitted, “I saw Lucas yesterday.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Is he still in Madrid?”
“Yeah.”
I didn’t know if that relieved me or made me sad. But it did hurt. It hurt to think that he was still in the very same place where I’d lefthim, with his family surrounding him and pulling the strings and telling him where to go and what to do and when.
“Madrid’s a big city, but it’s still one of those places where you randomly bump into people, huh?” I said, just to make conversation.
“I didn’t run into him by accident, Maya. He came to see me.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think? He wanted to know if you were OK.”
“He could have asked me.”
“That’s what I told him, and he said leaving you in peace was the best thing he could do for you. And I think he was right. He’s a good guy, Maya, but he isn’t good for you. He isn’t capable of giving you everything you need.”
“I mean, he made a choice, right?” I said, my voice cracking.
“And he hasn’t changed his mind, babe. He’s still here.”
“I convinced him to come, though. He left Sorrento because of me.”
“You gave him the best advice you could give him. His father was dying, Maya. Everything that’s happened since he got to Madrid, though, all of that’s on him. He’s made these decisions, he’s acted, and he could have guessed what the consequences would be.”
“I know, Matías, but it’s his family. They’ve got him wrapped around their fingers, and…”
“Lucas is twenty-seven years old. He’s an adult. He should be capable of dealing with this situation. He needs to defend his independence, live his own life, not ask other people’s permission for everything he does. And he hasn’t even tried. He never fought for…”
Matías stopped himself. I could see he didn’t want to hurt me. “You can just say it,” I told him.
“He never fought for you.”
He had hit me where it hurt, but he was right. Lucas hadn’t fought, he’d given in, and that was what I couldn’t accept. Not after everything we had shared.
“You’re right,” I whispered.
“And don’t you dare blame yourself. You tried, and it didn’t work out. These things happen.”
“I know they do, but it hurts, and I miss him, and I’m angry because of the two of us, he was supposed to be the strong one.”
“Those are the side effects of love,” Matías said. “Didn’t you read the manual?”
I was laughing and crying at the same time. That was the best I could hope for just then, I guess. My phone beeped. I was running out of battery.
“I’ve got to go, Matías. My phone’s almost dead.”
