“What do you think about?”
He shrugged. “Things. Ideas. Like how the world needs more people who mean what they say and say what they mean. Or how much time we waste looking for explanations for life instead of simply living it. How it’s a mistake to believe only in what you can see and hear. Or wanting things to be the same when you’re not even the same. How time passes, but pain doesn’t, but if you stop thinking about it, the hurt doesn’t hurt so bad… Maybe you’re right and the universe makes plans for us without checking with us first, and it was a happy accident that my destiny and yours crossed.” He came closer. “I want to be open with you. And that scares me, because if you see everything that’s inside me, you’re not going to like all of it. And if you don’t, maybe you’ll want to turn your back on me. And that terrifies me.”
A second. That’s how long I needed for my perspective to change. For my mind to stop thinking about everything thatcouldhappen and center on whatwashappening.
Him and me.
Us.
I wished it would last forever.
The light penetrated my deepest shadows. And the truth was there, as if it had fallen from heaven. Bright and clear, suffusing me inside and out.
A new excitement had taken hold, and I wasn’t nervous and I wasn’t resentful. As the ice cream melted in my mouth, other things seemed to melt away, too: my doubts, my suspicions, all the distance that I had put between us.
It was foolish to go on denying the truth. Love happens, even when you don’t want it to. There’s no magic potion you can take to fend it off, no formula logic can use to protect the human heart. And the heart is trusting, even stupid, even foolish. It doesn’t learn from its mistakes. It gives everything; it jumps in with open arms and eyes closed.
And just then, my heart went running toward its master, unable to stop or even slow down what was growing inside it. A feeling I’d thought was lost, but that had actually never gone away. It had only been hibernating, waiting for this moment to emerge, placid, unhurt.
This moment.
A moment of hunger.
A moment of desire that outweighed everything else.
Feeling him. Letting destiny decide if forever was possible.
Gambling. Because the risk was worth it.
I stepped up on my tiptoes and cupped the back of his head with my hand, making him bend down so I could kiss him. I didn’t look away from him, but at last I had to close my eyes. To feel him, feel all of him, more intensely. His body next to mine. His hot breath on my lips.
I opened my mouth, lusting for him, leaned into his chest when I felt my knees go weak, let him hold me up in his strong arms—let our bodies come together, one molecule at a time, turning into one.
When he let me go, the world was spinning around us so fast that I couldn’t move. I hid my face in the gap between his shoulder and neck and inhaled his scent. We kissed each other on the lips, on the temple, on the chin, as I struggled to make myself believe this was real. I felt his palms on my face as our eyes met. Connecting.
Everything was right now. Every piece was in its place.
We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other as we returned to the car. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other in the car, in receptionat the hotel, on the stairs, in the hall. At the door to my room, we devoured each other. We separated, faces and lips flushed, and I could see the desire burning in him, all the things he wanted to do. He was holding back, and I was, too.
Neither of us knew what to say. He reached up, stroked my cheek with his knuckles, gave me a brief last kiss.
“Good night,” he said.
“Good night,” I whispered back.
I turned to open the door.
“Harper?”
“Yeah?”
“Does this mean you and I…”
“Yeah. I think so.”
His smile was the last thing I saw as I shut the door.
The last thing I saw when I closed my eyes.
