I giggled and covered my mouth with my hand when I realized a woman in the next building over was watching me.
“What would you do with that naked girl on your sofa, then?”
“My intentions are bad. Always. I’d make her orgasm until she passed out.”
“Well, what a lucky, sexy girl she is, then. How about if you take your clothes off and open the door right now. Maybe you’ll find out she’s got a bad streak, too, and she’s standing there waiting for you…”
“Are you for real?” he said.
“Only if you can figure out a way to teleport me over.”
“Dammit!” He sighed. “It’s not nice to play with my feelings like that.”
“Don’t tell me you actually went to the door?” I laughed, imagining him doing it.
“Yeah, ha ha, very funny.”
I wished just then that I really had gone there, that I could watch the door open and see him appear. “I love to know you’re missing me.”
“I never said I was missing you.”
“I also love you getting all pissy like a little boy. Let me guess—you’re going to make me pay for this?”
“You better believe it. How did everything go today?”
“Well. I think. I don’t know. What I mean is…I know I did what I had to so I could be fair with myself, but it felt…weird.”
“You’re weird. That’s one of the things I like about you. And I’ve realized something about you. I think I know what you need.”
“You do?”
“Yeah,” he said. “You need to do different things from before, connect with the new you. How about if we take off for the mountains this weekend? Get some clean air, some exercise, some together time.”
“You know I’m not big on exercise.”
“I didn’t say what kind.”
All right, then. Any plan that included him was up my alley.
“I’d love to. But my brother and sister are coming back this week and I’d like to see them. It’s been a while, and…I need to tell them about us, too.”
“Harper, about that… If you don’t mind, I’d like to be the one to tell Hoyt. He’s my best friend, and I want to do it the right way. It matters to me. You get that, don’t you?”
I agreed. I was excited to share something that made me so happy with him and Hayley, but I understood the position Trey was in.
“Of course. It makes perfect sense.” Excited at the thought of seeing him in just a few days, I asked, “Will you come get me at the airport?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good night, Trey.”
“Good night, babe.”
Thatbabehad sounded so sweet, I nearly hyperventilated. All I needed was his voice to make me feel free, crazy, chaotic, unpredictable. And also scared, dependent, exposed. If only I could find balance and stop oscillating from one side to the other. Going constantly up and down. Struggling with the fear that was always lurking just behind me.
Suddenly I remembered a phrase:You can get everything you want in life if you can handle a little fear.My mother used to say that when we got scared of new things. The first day of school, riding a bike.
My mother.
