“I think I played it offverynaturally.”
“Did you?Didyou, Leland? With his arm andheadfalling out from behind the fridge?”
“Natural at its finest.”
Leland peeks around the corner to make sure Patel is busy and then quickly swings the fridge door shut. We check that he hasn’t smeared any blood on the wall or fridge, then he grabs the bottom half and I grab the top half and begin chugging toward the garage door right before I hear a phone start ringing.
“I’m so sorry, that’s mine,” Patel says as I hear her thundering her way toward us. Like who the fuck walks that fast? And why is her phone out here? There’s no way we’re making it to the garage in time, and now we’re holding a body between us like we’re waiting for someone to start jump-roping him.
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
The couch in Sophia’s living room sits off the wall, breaking up the living room and the path to the garage, so Leland stopsrightbehind the couch. I don’t realize he’s stopping and shove the body at him, causing Leland to stumble back and then swing an arm around the couch to catch himself just as Patel reaches the living room.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Dandy, honestly,” he says as he lowers the body and begins wandering around, leavingmewith it. “Sophia, do you have a little dustpan?”
“Oh! Yes! Sorry!”
Patel grabs her phone. “Sorry, when I heard that crash coming from the kitchen, I dropped the phone and rushed forward, but it was just Leland… breaking the jam,” she says, like she’s disappointed it wasn’t a murderer. “What’s that door over there?” She points toward the garage while I wonder why the fuck she hurried out here to grab the phone yet is refusing to answer it.
Sophia makes eye contact with me, and I can tell that the very last thing any of us want her to see is the garage since she would have to walk past me and the dead man I’m still holding up. Like how do I even make this work? Do I try out my hand at being Leland and kick it off with, “Sophia, your Halloween decorations are so realistic! You have to tell me where you got this body!” Like hell is Patel going to believe that, and now I’m an accomplice to murder!
“Did… Did you hear that?” Leland asks as he freezes.
Patel stops on her journey to the garage. All she’d have to do is turn her head to the left and she’d be looking the dead man in the eyes, especially because I’m still holding on to his hands for some fucking reason.
Did I ever imagine I would be standing in the house of a former contract killer, holding hands with a dead man, while anextremely suspicious detective snoops around the house? No… no I didn’t. But then again, I should have known better now that I’m with Leland.
Patel follows Leland while Sophia rushes over to help me.
“She’s going to check the garage next,” I whisper.
“Fuck. Fuck. Why’s she so nosy?”
“Leland wants to know that as well.”
“There’s a cabinet in the garage that I can lock. Go quickly. I hear her coming.”
“Patel! Hold on!” Leland calls.
“What is it?”
“Did I ever tell you how I met my husband?” Leland asks.
Sophia grabs the other half of the body, and we rush for the garage. She scurries over to the cabinet and opens it only to reveal that it’s packed full of shit.
“Under the body of the car,” I say, setting him down and beginning to shove. He’s not sliding with ease and his shoe gets stuck on something when I hear a hand on the doorknob. Sophia drops to the ground and shoves him the rest of the way just as the door opens.
Patel looks in at where Sophia’s lying on the garage floor and I’m patting the open hood of the car.
“So… that’s where the leak my husband was having trouble with is,” she says.
“Must just be a problem with the oil filter. When Nathan gets here, we can look at it better,” I respond.
“The oil’s not on that side of this kind of car,” Patel says. “Do you want me to have a look? I happen to know quite a bit about these old cars.”
Of course she does.
