Patricia waves her hand in an “ah!” motion. “That’s right! I forgot about that! After two days, Nolan came home and was like ‘Whose child is this?’ and we had to switch you back! I think the other family wanted to keep you because their son was such a bore. You were over there whipping shit around with your mind and their kid just sat there like a lump. So boring.”
“I’m texting Nolan and asking him why he switched me back. I could have had a normal family! A real family!” Landon declares.
My phone beeps and I discover that he has put this in a group text.
Landon: What is this I hear that I nearly broke free from this family at the impressionable age of two? I could have had a new family.
Nolan: Nah, you like this family better. That family was rich and the nanny was taking care of you. No one even noticed it was the wrong child. At least with our family, I realized it. That child would have been raised much worse than I raised you.
Asmodeus: I can find the family and try to trade you now.
Landon: You think they’d notice?
Lex: Definitely not.
Landon: I’m interested.
Asmodeus: I’ll be your Daddy and Ellison will be your Mommy.
I put the phone away and stare at Asmodeus, who seems to notice.
“See? He’s already got that motherly stare down. It’s a stare that makes me want to turn around and sit proper in my seat,” Asmodeus says. “Demons, give me strength to not lust after this man.”
“Why do you think we needed to hear any of that?” Landon asks.
“Are you wearing underwear with August’s face on them again?” Asmodeus asks.
“No.”
Lex pulls Landon’s underwear up just enough that we can see August’s beaming face splashed across cotton.
“Then don’t even pretend that anything I’ve said is strange,” Asmodeus says.
“Mom, they’re bullying me!” Landon cries.
“Good. Your little nerd ass needs some bullying,” Patricia shouts. “Brandon, bully your brother.”
“Okay! Uhhhh… Landon, your skin is so pale from never seeing the sun that we could use it as a beacon for ships if the lighthouse goes down.”
Landon slowly turns to look at Brandon. “She said bully, not roast. And August likes me looking like a vampire, don’t you, baby?”
“You’ve seen the sun once or twice,” August says. “You’re usually shielding your eyes and crying a bit, and I swear the one time I saw smoke rising from your skin, but you’ve seen it.”
Landon glowers at him. “Deus, I would like to sit on your lap since you won’t bully me.”
“Yes, sir.” Asmodeus climbs over the seat, boots August out of the way, and pulls Landon onto his lap. “The last time I held a man like this, I killed him,” he whispers in Landon’s ear.
“This is not what I had in mind,” Landon says with a sigh.
Asmodeus wraps his arms around Landon, who still looks concerned.
Landon pats Asmodeus’s arm. “Your hold… it makes me feel both warm and fuzzy and close with death.”
Asmodeus smiles. “Just the way I like it.”
“This is the longest ride of my life,” Landon says. “Mom, where are you taking us?”
“It’s a secret, Landon! For all that reading you do, you sure aren’t very smart since I’ve already said it like five times.”
