Once I’m sitting in his passenger seat, I think about the fact that he’s likely going to kill me and toss my body in a field somewhere. And then I wonder if my parents will go to my funeral if he does. If they do, surely, it’ll just be for show.
I break down and begin sobbing while the trucker looks confused and then concerned, and instead of hauling me off to kill me, he calls my home. Otto is the one who picks up, and the trucker tells him to come get me before some trucker that isn’t as nice as him gets hold of me.
Not wanting Otto to take me away, I stagger out of the semitruck and start looking for someone else. Anyone else. I only have three hundred dollars, but I wave it at some strange man who’s been watching me since I walked up. He sets a hand on my waist and begins pulling me into his car when my brother rushes over to us.
“Don’t fucking touch him. He is fifteen years old,” Otto snaps as he grabs my wrist. “I’ll call the police!”
“Hey, I was just giving him a ride. I don’t know what the fuck you thought I was going to do with him,” he says before he quickly gets in the car and drives off.
Otto whirls on me. “What the fuck is this?”
“I was going to go have sex with that guy in exchange for him driving me far away from here… that’s all that was.”
“Yeah? Were you? You were going to go have sex with a fifty-year-old man? You don’t know who the hell he is.”
“He already liked me more than my own family does,” I say with a laugh.
“What the hell are you talking about? I love you.”
“Youleftme. When I was lying on the bathroom floor needing someone, needing anyone… I literally killed the only people who cared about me to be a part of this family, and you all fucking walked away.”
“I didn’t… I had plans,” Otto says, looking guilty. “I… I had to go.”
“What about since that day?”
“I’ve been busy… you know I’ve been really busy.”
“You were all I needed, Otto. Just for that night, I needed at least one person to make it seem like I mattered, but I don’t deserve that, do I? Father wishes I hadn’t even been born. Mother refuses to even look at me. And now you’ve started to realize your life is better without me in it, so I’ll just go somewhere else. I will make everyone’s life better if I’m not in it.”
Otto grabs me in a hug. “No, no, no. Please. I need to have you in my life. I’m so sorry. You’re right. I got wrapped up in everything they said because it was easier. It was so much easier, and that’s not fair to you. You mean the world to me. I would give it all up to make sure you were in my life, Ellison. I would give up the fancy school, the money, their approval. I’m so sorry. You’re right. I’ve been an awful brother these past few months. But I’m going to be better. I’m going to be so much better. Look at me. Promise me that you’ll trust me.
“The minute I graduate, I’m going to get an apartment and I’m taking you with me. You can go to a new school. Just a normal fucking school. You’re so smart, Ellison; you don’t need all of this. You can accomplish whatever you want. You don’t need them.”
It sounds so good that it seems unbelievable, but I need something to believe in. That’s when realization hits me. “Your entrance exams are today. You’re going to be late.”
“I care more about you.”
“No, no. You need to go. If you really are going to take me away, you need to go,” I say as I hurry him toward his car. “You might still make it.”
He speeds to the testing location while he talks about everything we’ll do when we get away from this place before he turns to me. “Are you sure you’re okay alone? You promise me you won’t leave?”
“I’ll be right here,” I assure him.
“Please.”
I nod. “I will.”
Otto runs to the testing center while I sit in the car and think about his promise to take me away. It’s the first time in so long that my thoughts haven’t involved hating myself.
If I went to a new school, could I make friends who don’t know anything about me? Could I go to school for anything I wanted?
But my daydreams are cut short when Otto walks out to the car before long. I can’t even look at him as he gets into the car because I’m so ashamed that he missed his exams because of me.
“It’s fine,” he says. “There are so many other schools out there. I explained to them why I was late, and they’re going to review it and might even let me retest later.”
I let out a shaky breath. “It’s always my fault. I’m over here playing the victim when it’s always been my fault.”
“It’s not your fault. Come on. Let’s… let’s go somewhere for a bit,” he says, and I know he doesn’t want to go home too early or Father will find out. I follow him, but the euphoria I’d momentarily felt is gone. Why did I have to ruin this for him? If I’d never gotten rid of my power, I wouldn’t be in this situation.
