“I loved it,” she said. Then the music ended, and it was quiet while the band introduced a new song, so he could hear exactly what she said, no mistaking it.
“But we can’t do that again.”
18
Ani
For a fewmoments, Ani had been transported to a celestial realm heretofore unknown, held safely in the arms of her dark-eyed prince. His dancing, and even more, his confession about not dancing for ten goddamn years until Ani. When he asked her, called herbaby, she was done. She would have done any damn thing he asked. It was good they were in a public place because who knows how far they would have gotten before she stopped it. The way he kissed her was a revelation; it sent her to new heights. But then the music had changed, and she remembered.
Talar’s warning. The whisper network, all practically shouting “Stay away from him!” It was clear he had changed, yes, but he still hadn’t been in a relationship in who knew how long. She didn’t want to be some trial run. Not to mention, they did work together, and it was her policy not to date people she worked with. It was a small wedding world, and she would not be burning bridges or gaining the kind of reputation she didn’t want.
But the way he held their hands against his heart…Oh, it had been beating so furiously. She wanted to believe, wanted to trust, that he wouldn’t destroy her.
He dropped her hand at her words.
“Is it Kami?” he asked, his face tight and worried.
“Ka—no. Not at all.”
Relief washed over his face. “I didn’t know if maybe things changed when we kissed. You remembered her—”
“The thought of her did not enter my mind.”
Entirely true. Which was such a lovely, freeing thing. If nothing else, Raffi had given her that gift. Helped pry her loose from the depths of Kami’s clutches she’d allowed herself to be held in.
“Then what?” he asked.
“Raffi, we work together. We’re going to be working together for a while. We can’t have this little”—she searched for the right word—“dalliance while still maintaining professionalism.”
She wanted to add: “I can’t put my heart out there for you to take and smash as you please. As you’ve done so many times with others in the past. How can I trust you to have truly changed?”
Even the worddalliancedidn’t feel right. The way he kissed her seemed bigger than that. She could see the hurt in his eyes when she said it, like a flame dimming, like something in him closing off just slightly.
Raffi walked back to the high-top tables where they’d left their drinks, and he downed his in one gulp as she followed him. “I know how important your work is to you,” he said. “So, maybe you have a point. But”—and here he stared straight ather, his stance strong—“you can’t deny we have something here.”
Following his suit, Ani drank her champagne all too quickly.
“I agree, but what is it? Just lust? You’re going to sleep with me, then what?”
There, she said it. Because if this was just a fleeting thing for him, a moment that would fade the second the heat burned off, she needed to hear it now—before she let herself believe in something more.
“Ani—” He groaned.
“That’s your MO, isn’t it? Who’s to say you won’t get bored of me after one night together?”
“How could I? That’s what you’re scared of?”
“That’s what you’ve been doing, isn’t it?”
“Not always,” he said. “I’ve wanted to date, in theory, I just hadn’t found the right person. Until now.”
Ani shook her head, her inner armor not allowing his words into her heart. She loved hearing Raffi speak about her like this, she did, but the danger was too great. She literally,literally, had just gotten over Kami after two years of pining over her and sabotaging her own love life.
Yes, it was true that Raffi wasn’t what she thought he’d be. Not at all.
The reputation, the rumors, the warnings—she’d expected someone who took what he wanted without a second thought. But the man in front of her? He listened. He paid attention. He didn’t push. Even now, with his heart laid bare, he wasn’t demanding anything from her. He was standing here, waiting, letting her decide.
But putting her heart out there—trusting Raffi with it,trusting a man who until very recently had no desire for a relationship—it felt too terrifying to risk.
